Flirting and Getting Consent
Drop hints that you like a girl by giving her compliments. To see if a girl is interested in kissing you, give her compliments to send the message that you like her. Casually say something nice about her hair, outfit, or style. Include compliments about her personality or intellect so that you don’t come off as materialistic. Say, “I really like the way that outfit matches your eyes,” or, “You have the cutest haircut.” Include compliments about her personality. For example, “I love your laugh,” and “You’re so smart,” are excellent, simple compliments that you can use. Try to compliment things that relate to her specifically. Saying that she lives in a nice house, for example, isn’t going to get you anywhere. Try to compliment a girl when you’re spending time with her alone. If you’re with a group of people, they may poke fun at you for trying to flirt.
Make eye contact and smile at her. When you lock eyes with her, don’t divert your gaze like you’re ashamed or scared of her. Instead, keep your eyes on her and crack a slight smile without showing your teeth. Making eye contact and smiling are two of the easiest ways to send subtle messages that you’re interested in someone. If it turns out she doesn’t like you back, you can always play it off like the eye contact and smiling were simply you being nice. Making eye contact is a sign of confidence. Don’t stare for more than 4-5 seconds. Aggressive staring can come off as creepy if you do it for too long.
Read her body language to see how she responds to flirting. If she smiles back, maintains eye contact, and turns away while smiling, she’s probably interested in you. If she furrows her eyebrows, turns away without smiling, or simply doesn’t respond, she probably doesn’t want to kiss. Pay attention to her body language—especially in the moments leading up to a potential smooch. Tip: If she is carrying a purse or backpack, pay attention to how she holds or carries it. If she holds firmly on to it while talking to you, it could be a sign that she’s a little scared or nervous and doesn’t really feel comfortable around you yet. Consider leaving her alone and trying to strike up a conversation later.
Test the waters by holding her hand or wrapping your arm around her. When you’re alone with her, try casually brushing your hand against hers to see how she responds. If her fingers open up, try holding her hand. If hand holding seems like too much, lean up against her while you’re walking. If she doesn’t shy away, try throwing your arm around her. If she cuddles her way under your arm or holds your hand, continue walking for a little so that you don’t seem too eager. Another common way to test the mood is to try and brush her hair back. While this move certainly looks good in the movies, it can be kind of risky. She may think you’re reaching for her face and turn away. Hand holding is a more concrete sign she is ready for a kiss than the shoulder move is, but trying to wrap your arm around her requires less of a risk. Choose a move based on how confident you feel. EXPERT TIP Connell Barrett Connell Barrett Dating Coach Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach." Connell Barrett Connell Barrett Dating Coach Our Expert Agrees: You can notice a window of opportunity in many different moments. For instance, you might notice that the other person is making deep eye contact with you, or that they're leaning close to you and their body language matches yours. When that moment comes up, it's probably a good time for a kiss.
Get consent by asking if you can kiss her. Don’t steal a kiss. Instead, ask if you can kiss her. You can be incredibly direct and simply say, “Can I kiss you?” You can also opt for a more romantic tone and say something like, “I’d love nothing more than to kiss you right now,” or, “You’re so beautiful. I could kiss you right now.” If she kisses you first, don’t stop her to ask for her consent. You already have it. Throw in a breath mint or a piece of gum a few minutes before asking her to kiss you to ensure that your breath isn’t nasty. Once you have consent, don’t waste your time. Turn to face her and get ready!
Initiating a Kiss
Hold her hand or wrap your arms around her. If you were holding her hand or already had your arm around her, leave it there as you turn to face her. If you weren’t holding her, quickly check to see where her hands are. if she’s got them in front of her, reach out to hold her hands. If they’re at her side, wrap your arms around her waist so that you’re hugging her. If you’re not comfortable holding her hand or wrapping your arms around her, consider putting your hands on her shoulders. This is a good middle ground between a full embrace and standing still. Unless it’s a playful, quick smooch, don’t put your arms down to your sides. It will make you seem like you’re not emotionally invested in the kiss.
Relax your lips and don’t “pucker up.” There’s nothing cute about pushing your lips out and pursing them together. Keep your lips flexible as you’re initiating a kiss by keeping your facial muscles relaxed. Nobody wants to kiss stiff, hard lips. Tip: It’s okay to pucker your lips together for a quick kiss on a cheek, but avoid doing this when you’re kissing a girl on the lips. Keep your mouth closed. You kiss with lips, not teeth!
Lean in closer and turn your head a little. As you lean in for the kiss, pay attention to how the girl is angling her head. Tilt your head in the opposite direction to prevent squishing into her nose as you kiss her. Keep your head slanted so that your nose will brush right against her cheek. Avoid jerking movements and try to be smooth as you do this. It should be a subtle, simple motion. Lean in with your whole body. Don’t stick your head out like you’re scared of her! Don’t turn your head so far that your lips are going to make a cross.
Locking Lips
Close your eyes just as you’re about to make contact with her lips. Once you’re 2–4 inches (5.1–10.2 cm) away from her lips, begin to slowly close your eyes. Closing your eyes while kissing is a sign that you’re comfortable with surrendering to the moment. Keep them closed throughout the duration of the kiss. Keeping your eyes open while kissing is a bad idea. It can look kind of creepy and is considered to be a beginner mistake. Smile a little as you’re leaning in to let her know that you’re happy about kissing her.
Hold your lips to hers for 1-4 seconds. Press your lips into her lips without pushing her or shoving your nose into her face. Apply light pressure and embrace her by pulling her closer. Kiss her for 1-4 seconds before moving back with your lips still on hers to give her a moment to catch her breath or adjust her position. Keep your lips soft as you kiss. Relax your facial muscles and don’t push your lips out as you make contact with her lips. To pull her closer, try moving your hands around her back and leaning into her. Don’t shove your tongue down her throat. Keep your tongue behind your teeth.
Release your lips for a second and read her body language before kissing her again. Once you’ve leaned back a little bit, check her body language. If she’s starting to pull away, it is a sign that she is done kissing for now. If she leans in further, it is a sign that she is comfortable and you can continue to kiss her. Tip: If she’s done kissing for now, don’t pressure her into continuing to kiss. Instead, play it off by smiling at her and continuing to talk about whatever you were discussing before the kiss. This will make the kiss feel natural and make you seem confident.
Alternate the side that your head is on after multiple kisses. After 20-30 seconds of kissing, switch the angle that you’re kissing her from. If your nose is resting on her right cheek, lean back for a second and swap it to the left. This will add a little variation and give her neck a break from leaning in one direction for too long. You don’t have to switch sides if you don’t want to, but your neck will get sore after a minute or so, especially if she’s shorter than you and you have to lean down to kiss her.
Using Different Styles
Give her a quick peck on the cheek as a simple sign of affection. If locking lips seems like too much of a commitment, try kissing a girl by giving her a quick peck. Turn your head away from her lips and purse your lips together so that your teeth aren’t showing. Lean into her cheek and give her a quick kiss to show some affection. Always get consent first, even for a simple peck on the cheek.
Lift her off of the ground as you kiss her to be more romantic. While kissing her, if you’re confident that you can lift her off of the ground, wrap your arms around her waist and lift her up while keeping your lips against her. This is a classic romantic gesture and will show her that you’re really attracted to her and enjoying the kiss. If she resists in any way, don’t try to keep lifting her up. Some girls don’t like being lifted off of the floor.
Try French kissing after you’re comfortable with one another. Once you’ve gotten used to kissing one another, you can start to make out. While kissing, run the very tip of your tongue over her lower lip a few times. If she opens her mouth a bit more, then she may be interested. Introduce your tongue slowly and once your tongues are touching, move your tongue slowly around her mouth. Tip: Don’t shove your tongue down her throat without warning. This is a terrible idea and will freak her out. Don’t overdo it with the French kissing if you have a lot of saliva built up in your mouth. Take breaks! It can be hard to breathe if you’re mouths are locked in a French kiss for more than 10-20 seconds.
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