How to Tell Your Boyfriend You Have Your Period

Junior High

Consider how long you've been dating. As with most personal information, it's not always appropriate to share something intimate with a person you haven't known for very long. If it makes him shy, confused, or uncomfortable he might not know how to react. If you have been dating for a while and you feel you know him pretty well, you might want to bring it up casually. You don't need to make a big deal about it, because it really isn't a big deal! Think about how he's reacted to other potentially awkward moments in the past. Did he freak out, embarrass you, or tell all his friends? If so, you might want to hold off.

Think about why you want to tell him. Is it having an impact on your relationship? Do your cramps keep you from going out with him? Do you get wicked mood swings and snap at him? If so, it might be a good idea to clue him in so he knows it's nothing personal. If it's not really affecting your relationship, then it's entirely up to you whether you want to tell him. If you want to keep it private, that's totally fine. If you want to be up front about it, then go for it.

Avoid using indirect terms and referring to your period as "Aunt Flo," "the crimson wave," your "monthly visitor," or any other euphemisms. Chances are, he's not going to have any idea what you are talking about and the misunderstanding might make things unnecessarily awkward. If you choose to tell him, use clear language but make sure he knows it's something personal you are choosing to tell him. Say something like "I know I've been moody this week. I'm actually on my period right now and sometimes it makes me a little sensitive. I just wanted to let you know what was going on with me—I'd really appreciate it if you didn't mention it to anyone else."

Don't feel offended if he shies away from the conversation. Periods can be pretty mysterious and intimidating to cisgender boys, and he might just blush and say "Oh, umm, okay." and never bring it up again. It's not cool, however, if he makes fun of you or says it's gross. Try not to take it personally There's nothing wrong with you or gross about your period—in fact, it means you're perfectly healthy. You can politely offer to give him the low down on what periods entail and why you have them. If he's really rude, feel free to put the verbal smack-down on him. Tell him getting your period means you're an adult, and you're not sure if you can date such a little boy.

High School or Older

Tell him in a straightforward way. You don't need to get clinical or overly descriptive--no need to get into the strength of your flow or anything. Chances are he's been through sex ed and had other partners (or a sibling or close friend) who have mentioned it before, so it shouldn't be a big deal to him. Say something simple, like "Hey, I just started my period. I'm not feeling so great." You could also say "Oh, it's that time of the month," and he'll probably get it. Sometimes couples come up with cute or funny code words for when you're on your period. So when you tell him it's "shark week," he'll know what's up.

Let your boyfriend know how he can help. Even if your partner doesn't know much about the mechanics of your period, he probably knows it can be a rough time for some people. Your boyfriend cares about you, and he probably wants to know what he can do to make you feel better. If your period makes you feel exhausted and crampy, ask if he can hang out with you on the couch while you binge watch and eat ice cream. If you get cramps, you can ask him to rub your back or your belly to relieve some of the pain. Let him know if you become particularly sensitive to touch. He might try to comfort you with a hug or other contact, and it's only fair to let him know you prefer not to be touched while menstruating. If you prefer to hang solo when you're on your period, you can (kindly) let him know that just letting you be on your own is a huge help.

Think of it as a good way to weed out immature guys. If he can't handle the fact that you menstruate, then maybe he's not boyfriend material yet. And he's definitely not mature enough to be having sex, if that's something you are considering. At this point, he should have come to terms with the fact that this is a normal part of life, and the best thing he can do is be supportive.

Hooking Up While on Your Period

Tell your boyfriend you're having your period and talk about what you are both comfortable with. You can have sex on your period, though it can be a bit messy. Some guys are a little squeamish about it, others don't care, but make sure you consider how you feel. If you don't even like to be touched during your period, then you probably just want to wait. If you want to have sex but you're not sure how he feels, try saying: "I'd like to have sex, but I'm on my period. How do you feel about that?" Don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to do. If you don't want to go all the way, you can still do other things, like make out or even just cuddle.

Always use protection. You can still get pregnant during your period. Sperm can survive in your body for up to five days and, if you happen to ovulate (release an egg) a little early, it could be fertilized. Even if the chances of pregnancy are lower during your period, the chances of contracting an STD are higher. Because there are more bodily fluids involved (and STDs are found in bodily fluids like semen, vaginal discharge, and menstrual blood), it makes it easier to transmit an STD.

Lay down a towel to reduce the mess. To save your sheets from stains, lay a towel on the bed and have some tissues nearby, in case you need to wipe yourself off afterward. You may also consider taking a shower together, since the flowing water will eliminate any mess.