Keeping Calm Around Your Crush
Remember that your crush is just a normal person. While they may seem perfect in your eyes, your crush is just like you. When you have a crush, you may be experiencing the "halo effect," which causes you to see that person as flawless. You need to remember that your crush is a human being who makes mistakes, and is no better or worse than anyone else (including you!). Try the old public speaking tip: to calm your nerves, imagine the audience is in their underwear. In this case, imagine your crush in a vulnerable or silly position: in their underwear, going to the bathroom, or getting potty-trained as a kid! Try not to think of your crush as "the cutest, smartest, most perfect person," but as "that person I sit next to in biology." Idolizing your crush may prevent you from seeing things that are not so good about them. You might be so caught up in how cute they are, you miss that they're actually not a nice person, and not someone you really want to be with at all.
Do something that boosts your confidence. If you have third period English with your crush, or you know you're going to see them later, do something that will put you in a confident, positive mindset. It can be as simple as wearing your favorite color or a meaningful piece of jewelry. Maybe just stopping into the bathroom before class to apply some lip gloss, practice your best smile, and make sure nothing is in your teeth will help you feel your best. Try wearing a necklace or ring that was a gift from someone who loves you. When you're feeling nervous, touch your jewelry to remind yourself that regardless of how things go with your crush, there are plenty of people who think you are amazing. Try striking a power pose before you see them. Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart, hands on your hips, shoulders back. This "wonder woman" pose can actually change your chemistry, making you feel more confident, more likely to take risks, and better able to cope with stress.
Start with small, easy interactions before trying a full-on conversation with your crush. It can be as simple as saying "Hey" when you pass them in the halls, or asking them what the homework was (you forgot to write it down). These little moments will make talking to your crush seem normal and not so scary.
Figure out what you have in common. Don't listen to advice that tells you to fake interest in your crush's passions. Instead, find out which passions you both share. This can help humanize your crush and will also give you an easy way to start a conversation with them. If you're obsessed with the same band, and you can speak about them with confidence, it might make it easier to talk to your crush without stuttering, feeling nervous, or not knowing what to say. Use this as a jumping-off point to ask your crush about themselves. People love to talk about themselves and usually think favorably about someone who asks them questions and listens. Ask if your crush has ever seen the band live, or which songs are their favorite. Finding out your common interests can also be a good way to lead up to asking out your crush. If you both love soccer, maybe you crush will want to join you (and your friends, if you're still nervous) at a match over the weekend.
Ask a friend to be your backup. If you have a trusted friend who knows about your crush, she might be able to take some of the pressure off your interactions. Knowing you have someone in your corner can help you feel a little calmer and more confident. Make sure you trust your friend not to embarrass you. If you have a friend who can sometimes be a little mean or likes to tease you, then telling her about your crush might not be the best idea. She might think it's funny to try and make you blush or even tell your crush how you feel.
Recovering from an Embarrassing Moment
Keep your cool. Overreacting, panicking, screaming, yelling, or blaming someone else for what happened will become the true embarrassing moment. Whether someone spilled your secret or you accidentally walked into a wall right in front of your crush, keeping a level head will help you get out of the situation with as much grace and dignity as possible. Taking a deep breath can go a long way in calming you down. Try to inhale for four seconds, then exhale for four seconds. As you are breathing, think about what you will say, instead of blurting out something defensive.
Own it and laugh it off. So you just fell in front of the whole school at the pep rally. Get up, dust yourself off,and laugh. Say something like "Wow, that was embarrassing!" and keep going. If you're able to laugh at yourself, you'll take the tension out of the moment, and may even appear to be confident. People are more likely to be forgiving of those who own up to their mistakes. If you acknowledge that you said or did something embarrassing, there might be a little teasing, but people will be more likely to let it go. Even if you can't laugh about it in the moment, try making a joke out of it later. It will show you don't take yourself too seriously.
Don't dwell. You may be replaying an embarrassing moment over and over in your mind—the dumb joke you told in front of your crush that fell flat—but chances are you are the only one. People often aren't paying as close attention us as we may imagine and tend to judge others more on overall character than one embarrassing incident. It's likely your crush didn't even notice the thing you're agonizing over. Or, if they did, it probably wasn't as bad as you think. Obsessing over a moment in the past can be destructive and does little other than make you feel sad and angry. If there's something to learn from the incident (like to pause and think before you speak), then take that lesson, and let the rest go. Remember that everyone gets embarrassed. Each and every person, from the president to your crush, has been embarrassed.
Improving your Confidence
Practice your social skills with other people. Don't run before you can walk—practice making conversation, and even flirting, with others before approaching your crush. This doesn't mean leading someone on, but flirting a little with someone less intimidating than your crush can boost your self-esteem and make flirting less nerve-wracking. Try approaching people you think are cute and asking them for the time. Build up to striking up little conversations with strangers.
Be kind to yourself. Stop putting yourself down and start replacing negative thoughts with affirmations. It might be hard to believe, but if you start telling yourself you are a smart, interesting, and kind person who deserves respect, you will start to believe it. Cutting out negative thinking and building yourself up can increase your self-confidence. Remember that everyone struggles with self-esteem issues. Everyone has flaws they are worrying about, everyone feels low or like they're not good enough at some time in their lives. In fact, most people are probably so busy worrying about their own flaws that they don't have time to notice yours. Do things that make you feel good about yourself. Exercise and eat right, wear clothes that make you feel comfortable and confident.
Get busy pursuing your interests and getting involved in activities. Filling your day with things you find interesting will help you take your mind off your crush and remind you that you are an amazing person with a lot to offer. It can also help expose you to new people with shared interests, and you can get to know them and further develop your social skills. Doing interesting things will make you more interesting. Don't just talk about how you want to join the track team or learn to be an amazing cook—make it happen! Reader Poll: We asked 505 wikiHow readers who’ve struggled to cope with a crush, and only 6% have had luck with confiding in a trusted friend or mentor for support. [Take Poll] So, while this may not be a great strategy according to our readers, focusing on things you enjoy may help distract you.
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