Dancing with Your Partner from Behind
Place your hands on your partner’s hips. If you partner turns their back to you at any point, let your hands slide down until they’re resting on their hip bones. This will allow you to feel their movements more closely, and will also give you a little bit of control if you decide to change up your technique. It’s normal for the person in the rear to hold onto their partner’s hips. Even so, be sure to lower your hands slowly so that your partner will have a chance to say something if they’re not okay with it. Don’t venture any further unless you’re explicitly told that it’s alright to do so. Unwanted touching is still inappropriate, even while grinding.
Move your hips together in unison. Bend your knees slightly and sway from side to side. From there, you can begin moving in circles, or experiment with any other movements that suggest themselves to you in the heat of the moment. Depending on your height, you may have to stand up taller or put a little extra bend in your knees to keep even with your partner.
Let your partner take the lead. Grinding is all about getting in synch with your partner, so stick close enough to keep your hips against your partner’s throughout the dance and try to mirror their movements. Allow your partner to call the shots when it comes to things like what movements to use and how much touching there is in various places. Being a good partner is all about respecting the person you’re sharing the floor with and adjusting your style to suit theirs. The more chemistry you have with your partner, the more likely they are to step up the amount of contact between you. When you allow your partner to take the lead and follow their cues, the dynamic will feel a lot more natural. It'll be easier for you to both relax and loosen up as you dance. If you fall into a rhythm and trust your partner as they walk you through what they're comfortable with, then you'll also build more confidence during the whole dance.
Lean to the side to cut down on unwanted contact. If you’re dancing with someone you don’t know, or just don’t feel like dancing too close, you can tilt slightly to one side. Your partner will lean in the other direction. That way, you’ll be grinding on your your leg more than your lap. Pay attention to signs that your partner is hesitant to continue dancing so close. If their movements slow or stop or they try to pull away, for instance, it’s best to create a little distance.
Change up your movements every so often. It wouldn’t be very fun if just you stood there and rocked your hips back and forth the entire time. To keep things fresh, try cycling between different movements every couple of minutes, or take turns leading and following. You may only have until the end of the song to enjoy your connection with your partner, so make it count! If you and your partner are on the same page, you could even try dropping it low, dipping to opposite sides, or improvising your own embellishments. Another simple way to make grinding more interesting is to alternate between dancing from the front and back.
Don’t assume that grinding is an invitation for anything more. Just because your partner was willing to grind with you, doesn’t that they’re up for anything beyond that. People often come to a club just because they want to dance, not looking for hook-ups. If your partner seems interested in you though, you can always ask them out, but be prepared to respect their answer. If your partner walks away after the song ends, don’t chase them. Instead, appreciate the fact that you had a chance to dance together and start looking for a new partner.
Grinding While Facing Your Partner
Find a willing dance partner. While you’re doing your thing on the floor, search the crowd for someone to dance with. Holding eye contact, smiling, and frequent touching are all strong signs that someone wants to dance. Once you’ve selected a partner, move in and prepare to get physical. If you’re not sure whether the person is picking up on your signals, just walk right up to them and ask, “Hey, wanna dance?” Sometimes, someone may shoot you a fleeting glance or brush up against you by accident. If they spend the next few moments ignoring you or migrating to another part of the floor, don’t assume they’re playing hard to get—they’re probably just not interested.
Rub your hips against your partner’s with the rhythm of the music. Once you’ve gotten up close and personal with your partner, time your movements to the tempo of the song. Move your hips back and forth against your partner’s. Coordinate the “upswing” of your hips to the beat to increase and decrease the pressure in turns. Try grinding at different speeds to match whatever music is playing. You can move faster during songs that are upbeat and energetic, then slow things down with the music for a more sensual experience. Remember, grinding is a form of dancing, so the more rhythmic you make it, the more enjoyable it will be for both you and your partner.
Try putting your hands on your partner's hips. Once you’ve been dancing for a moment, try putting your hands on your partner’s hips and ask them if it’s okay. If they move your hands away, or tell you not to put your hands on them, just remove your hands. You can still dance, while moving your arms to the beat of the music. Don’t get touch them places other than their hips unless they move your hands there. You don’t want to creep out your partner!
Add some light chest bumps. Face your partner squarely and pull your shoulders back so that your chest presses into theirs. Then, move your body away from your partner. Do this a few times and see if your partner catches on. Keep your posture straight and lift both your chest and your chin. Roll your shoulders back and down so they appear wider, too. You'll look really sure of yourself, which will be attractive to your partner. You can also mix up the chest bump by doing a wave motion with your upper body. Do your best to synchronize your movements with your partner’s.
Work in some hip rolls to switch things up. Jut your hips forward to one side. As you do, your partner will pull theirs back on the same side. Keep your lower bodies locked together as you continue rolling to the opposite side, then change directions—they’ll stick their hips out and you’ll pull yours back.#*You can roll whichever way feels most comfortable, but most people will instinctively move in a clockwise direction. The circular motion of hip rolls is similar to the one you’ll use when grinding on your partner from the back.
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