How to Gain Parental Trust As a Teen

Gaining Trust by Demonstrating Maturity

Follow their rules. Show your parents that you respect them and their rules. Even if you don’t agree with all of their rules, go along with them. Following rules at home helps your parents see that you respect them and are willing to earn their trust. For example, follow curfew rules. If you’re always home on time, your parents will trust you to continue coming home on time and may raise your curfew. If you want to challenge a rule, show that you’re mature enough to not need it. For example, show all the ways you will be responsible without the rule being there. Talk about how your past maturity shows you can handle things if the rule changes.

Follow through on tasks quickly. Don’t wait to get tasks or chores done. Your parents don’t want to hound you (just as much as you don’t want to get hounded). If you have weekly chores or your parents ask you to do something, do it right away. This will show them that you’re responsible and can be trusted to do things quickly. Showing responsibility will likely impress your parents and let them know they can count on you. For example, if you’re watching television and your parent wants you to take the trash out, do it during the next commercial break.

Handle problems on your own. When faced with a problem, try handling it by yourself. You’ll show that you’re capable and working on independence. You might need some help from your parents at times, but proving that you can handle problems on your own shows your maturity. If you have a bad grade, don’t ask your parents to call your teacher for you. Ask your teacher for some help or join a study group.

Help others. Find ways to show concern toward others. Not only does helping people feel good, it shows your parents that you’re looking out for people and you want to help them. Plus, your parents will be proud that they’ve raised such a kind and caring person. There are lots of ways to be helpful. For example, help your younger sibling with their chores or homework. Take the initiative to do something as a family, such as sponsoring a child in a third-world country or volunteer at a soup kitchen. Try volunteering. You can find volunteer opportunities at your local library, spiritual or religious center, and animal shelter. You might find some ways to volunteer at school, too. You can volunteer at a place to explore career options and gain some experiences.

Trust your parents. Your parents are not going to be right all of the time, but they generally do want what is best for you. Just like you want them to trust you, try trusting them. Even if you question their judgment or are embarrassed by their rules, be willing to trust them and give them a shot. Try doing things their way and see how it turns out. While it may not be your way, it might still be good or helpful to you. For example, your parents might allow you to go to a party only if you call them from it. While you might feel embarrassed, call them anyway. You might feel uncomfortable or want to go home early.

Stay away from risky and illegal situations. If you have to think twice about something, don't do it. Doing something that is illegal or not permitted will be one of the fastest ways to lose your parents’ trust. If someone offers you drugs or wants you to cheat on a test, say “No thanks.” If you’re not sure if something is risky and your friends are egging you on, picture your parents walking in. Would you feel bad or get in trouble if they were there? Saying no to harmful things will help your parents see that you can make wise decisions on your own.

Choose friends your parents like. Your parents want to know you’re spending time with people who are good influences for you. Aim to bring friends over your parents will like. If your parents don’t like one of your friends, ask your parents to get to know them more. Talk about what you like about your friends. If your parents forbid you to spend time with one of your friends, they might be trying to protect you. If you parents have concerns, ask if that person can come to your house to hang out instead of you going to theirs.

Listening and Communicating to Build Trust

Talk with your parents. While you probably want your parents to respect your privacy, get in the habit of checking in with them by letting them know what’s going on in your life. Talk about big projects coming up, exams, or team try-outs. Your parents care about what you’re doing, and part of building trust is being open enough to talk to them about your life. Get in the habit of talking to your parents every day.

Have the difficult discussions. Maybe you’re struggling in school because of a broken friendship. Perhaps you’re being bullied at school or struggling in your classes. Be the first to initiate difficult discussions. If they find out from somewhere or someone else, they might wonder why they didn’t hear it from you first. Say what you need to say by communicating your needs. For example, say, “I need to tell you something. But please let me finish before you jump in or give me advice.”

Tell the truth. Nothing breaks trust like a lie. When you speak to your parents, give them the whole truth. Lying often results in many more problems, especially if you have to keep the lie up. You might live in fear of getting found out or get into more trouble once your lie is discovered. Even when it’s hard, be courageous and tell your parents the truth.

Listen when they speak. Listening to your parents shows that you value what they say and can help you build trust. You might not agree with everything your parents say. If your parent is telling you something, don’t interrupt or cut them off. Give them your attention. Look your parent in the eye, nod occasionally, and show your understanding. To show you’ve been listening, reflect back what they say. For example, say, “Okay, you want me to pick up Eric from school tomorrow. Got it.”

Treat your parents with respect. When you treat your parents with respect, they will likely treat you with respect back. Avoid arguing or whining to your parents. Don’t shout, yell, or scream and don’t say things you might regret. These are ways of showing you can be mature in your interactions. Handle conflicts maturely. If things get heated, take a step back. Take a break from speaking by going on a walk or writing in a journal. Then, pick up where you left in a calmer, more productive way.

Regaining Lost Trust

Give a sincere apology. Own up to your mistakes and apologize to your parents right away. Take full responsibility for your actions without blaming someone else. Share your regret and tell them how it will be different next time. For example, say, “I promised I’d be home at 10 and I wasn’t. I prioritized my own fun over your rules. I’m sorry I stayed out and it won’t happen again.”

Give it some time. Your parents might feel disappointed, upset, or angry, so let them be upset. They won’t get over broken trust right away. Give them some time to cool down and recover. In the meantime, be on your best behavior. Don’t breach their trust any more.

Ask how you can regain their trust. If you’ve made a mistake, ask how you can regain their trust back. Being proactive by asking might show them that you’re mature and want to make things right. However, be prepared. They might ask you to do more chores or show more responsibility with something else. For example, say, “I know I let you down when I lied about going out with that friend. How can I get your trust back?”