Laying the Groundwork
Prepare your parents for the discussion. No one likes getting blindsided with new requests, and your parents are no different. By giving them a heads-up about your request, you have a better chance of getting their approval for your dreads. Say something like, "Mom, I'd like to try a new hairstyle called dreadlocks, and I would like your permission." Never forget to say please! Be prepared for their initial reaction. Remain calm if they immediately react poorly to your suggestion. Say, “I understand your concerns, but I would like to calmly discuss this with you.” Be respectful and ask that you get together soon to talk about your request.
Select a time and place for the discussion that works for everyone. Once your parents are prepared for the dreadlocks talk, finding a good setting and proper time can really work to your advantage. Pick a time that is low-stress for everyone involved. Don’t try to have the discussion on a Monday morning when everyone is struggling to get to school and work on time. If your parents are usually in a good mood during the weekend, or after a special meal, that would be a good time to plan to talk. A neutral location, like a park or quiet restaurant, could be a good choice for having the discussion. If everyone is calmed by the setting, your parents may be more open to your request.
Build integrity with your parents. In the time leading up to your discussion, demonstrate to your parents that you are the same dependable, bright kid you’ve always been. This will help reassure them that your choice of hairstyle does not impact your behavior or otherwise define you. Maintain your grades, or even study a little more if possible. Complete all of your household jobs in a timely manner, without complaining. Take on additional responsibility within your family.
Preparing Your Case
Define what you want. If you want to be extra persuasive when you talk with your parents, you need to know as much about dreadlocks as possible. Learn exactly what they are. Dreadlocks are created by sectioning the hair carefully and then backcombing it. The hair is then twisted and secured. Eventually, your hair will be “trained” to the style. Find photos or Internet links with examples of styles you are suggesting. Having something concrete to show your parents will help them visualize you with the new hairstyle. If left to their imagination, they will think of the worst possible outcome. Figure out how you will take care and style them. That way, you can say something like, “I’ve already researched the shampoo or wax I plan to use, and it is very affordable, easy to obtain, etc.”
Describe clearly why you want dreadlocks. If you can fully explain your desire for dreads, your parents will take your request more seriously. Otherwise, they could just dismiss your request as a passing fad. If your primary motivation is individuality, focus on that. Say something such as, “I want to set myself apart from my friends. My clothing choices are already unique, and I want to go a step further.” Perhaps you are moved by a newfound religious faith and want to express that through wearing dreadlocks. Some followers of Hinduism, Buddhism, and Rastafarianism believe that dreadlocks show an aversion to the material world and a fuller devotion to the creator.
Think of people your parents admire who had them. If you can remind your parents that someone they respect (such as Bob Marley, Whoopi Goldberg, Lenny Kravitz, or Stevie Wonder) has worn dreads, they may be more open to the idea of you having them.
Talking it Through
Write down your thoughts. After you’ve figured out exactly why you want dreads, gather your thoughts and put them to paper. Then, you’ll be prepared to effectively make your case to your parents.
Educate your parents. You may be surprised that your parents don’t really know much about dreadlocks. Tell them how dreadlocks are created. Let them know whether you expect to style them yourself or go to a salon. Saying something like, “I’ve found this great hair shop that will style dreadlocks for a reasonable price,” lets your parents know you are serious and have done your research.
Tell them how you expect to care for your dreads. If your parents are unfamiliar with the style, they may not know how easy they are to care for once you have them. Bring a list of salons or hair shops in your area that specialize in dreadlocks. Your parents may be reassured knowing that your hair will be cared for properly. Show them samples of shampoos or other styling products (wax) that you plan to use with your dreads.
Stick to the topic. If your parents are really opposed to your dreadlocks, it will be easy to stray from that discussion and just argue with them. Your argument will be strengthened if you only talk about your desire for dreadlocks, rather than focusing on other differences you may have with your parents. Gently nudge your parents back to the topic if they stray away from it.
Keep your emotions in check. It will be challenging not to get frustrated or upset if the discussion does not go well. However, if you remain as calm as possible, you will be perceived as more persuasive. If the discussion becomes heated, suggest taking a 5-minute break. You could go for a short walk to calm down during this time. A good strategy for calming your parents could be to thank them during this time for taking the time to discuss this with you.
Countering Objections and Negotiating
Remain calm while listening to their objections. If necessary, take some deep breaths or count slowly to ten to distract yourself from your anger or frustration. If you don’t react poorly, they may be more willing to work with you on this. Actively listen to them. Repeat their concerns in your own words so that you are clear about their objections.
Work hard to really understand their concerns. If you can put yourself in their shoes, you may figure out a way to calm them and make them feel better about your decision. Maybe they’re concerned people will judge them because of your dreads. If that’s the case, say something like, “Mom, everyone knows how great you are. I don’t think that will change based on a particular hairstyle I choose.” If they’re concerned about notions that dreads go hand-in-hand with a drug-fueled lifestyle, tell them, “I am the same kid I was yesterday. I just want to choose a new hairstyle, not a new lifestyle.”
Remind them that dreadlocks are not permanent. Unlike tattoos or piercings, other current ways to express individuality, dreadlocks can easily be removed if you change your mind about them in the future.
Explain that dreadlocks are actually a clean hairstyle. Many people, including parents, mistakenly think that dreadlocks are dirty or smelly. By gently informing them this is incorrect, you could help persuade them. Educate them that dreadlocks are not a magnet for bugs, as some say. Explain that you will be twisting your locks every six to eight weeks, but you will also be cleansing in between at least every two to three weeks. Make sure they understand that it's clean and that there's no need to exaggerate in maintenance. You don't want to twist them more often than that because it will cause thinning and breakage in hair. Tell them that those with dreadlocks should actually wash their hair twice a week, because clean hair is more easily styled into dreads than dirty hair. Show them the research you have done on maintaining dreadlocks in a clean, hygienic way and promise them you will keep your hair neat and clean once you have your dreads.
Negotiate and compromise until you receive a “Yes,” from your parents. During the negotiation process, be open to their suggestions. They may be willing to strike a bargain with you so that everyone is happy with the result. If necessary, tell them you are willing to wait a month or two before styling your dreadlocks to show them that this is not a passing whim on your part. Ask them if there is anything else you can do to convince them of your decision. They may suggest additional research or more chores around the house. Be open to compromising on the length of your dreads. Your parents may be more open to a shorter style. Suggest that you get temporary dreadlocks so that they can see how they look on you.
Thank your parents for listening to you and for giving you the chance to express yourself in a mature way. By being respectful throughout the process and ending with a real expression of gratitude, you set yourself up for good discussions with your parents in the future.
Comments
0 comment