Finding and Making Friends
Develop your interests. In order to be friends with a wide variety of people, you've got to have a wide variety of interests. With a wide variety of interests, you'll likely have something in common with everyone and it'll be easier to hold a conversation and let your relationship bloom. So join the choir. Volunteer at your local hospital. Start painting in your free time. Learn guitar. Join the soccer team. If you've ever wanted to do something, this is a good reason to do it. Understand the personality of a group you are trying to befriend. Figure out what unites them – is it a shared activity (e.g., debate team, journalism publication, love of performing music) or a harmonious balance of personality traits (talkative, sociable, quiet, etc.)? If you share this unifying quality with the group, then let your interest/personality/whatever it may be shining.
Make a habit of getting others' contact information. When it comes to making new friends, most people are pretty shy. They tend to automatically assume you're not interested in friendship unless you say otherwise. Take a risk, put yourself out there, and ask for their phone number, Twitter or Instagram handle, or friend them on Facebook. Being online friends is the first step to being friends in real life. And then when you have their contact information, you both can invite each other to hang out, or even just make random small talk online. The more you talk to each other, the more comfortable you'll be with each other at school or wherever you naturally meet up.
Don't wait for an invitation – give it yourself. Be outgoing and proactive in inviting people to hang out and paying attention to when and where people are gathering. If you want to be friends with everyone, you have to initiate reaching out to groups and be sensitive to their habits. Again, people get nervous and shy around new people. They may want to hang out, but be too timid to ask. Go out a lot in order to hang out with different groups. However, do know that being friends with everyone can be very time and energy-intensive because you must be friendly, outgoing, and willing to spend time hanging out, leaving yourself very little time to yourself. Remember, you don't have to be outgoing in order to be a good person; it's perfectly fine to be shy and reserved, and you will make your own friends. However, if your goal is to befriend a wide range of people, you will have to put that effort out there.
Accept every invitation. There's a saying that goes something like, "If you stop going, they'll stop inviting you." And it makes complete sense – would you keep inviting a friend that turned you down time and time again? So as you're making these friends (especially in the beginning stages), accept the invitations that you get. How else do you expect the friendships to grow? Remember that each group will be different. They will use different words, find different things funny or respectable, or will have very different ways of "hanging out." Observe what is appropriate for each group, and act accordingly, but don't change yourself just to fit in. You are who you are.
Smile and remember everyone's name. When you're friends with everyone, you're going to have a lot of information floating around in your head. Is it Haley that likes rock music? Paul and Vinh are the lacrosse players? When you're with your new friends (or soon-to-be friends) use their name, ask them about something you know about them, and just smile. They'll feel special seeing that you remembered so much about them. One of the easiest things you can do to make good friends is to smile and just be happy. Make jokes, laugh, and help the group have a good time. Once they realize that you're a fun person to be around, you all will become friends.
Talking to New People
Remark on your surroundings or the occasion. Making small talk with people don't know very well is one of the hardest parts of new friendships. To get to talking, simply make a comment on what's around the both of you or the occasion. Talk about your teacher's droning voice, or how you can't believe that cute person in homeroom is wearing that outfit. It doesn't have to be much – the conversation will get better and better from there. Even "Man, I love this song!" can get the ice breaking. When the two of you start singing at the top of your lungs, it's an immediate bonding moment.
Ask open-ended questions. To get the ball rolling even further, start asking the person or people you're talking to the open-ended question that they can't just answer with a "yes" or "no," as one-word answers will stop any conversation in its tracks. What do they think of the big event coming up? Who do they know that's coming? Ask people what their plans are for the weekend. If something seems appropriate for you to join, you can express interest in the activity and see if they extend an invitation. If not, you must take a call about whether you should put yourself on the line and explicitly ask to come. Be careful about always tagging along -- it can annoy some people.
Listen genuinely. When's the last time someone looked you in the eye, smiled, and asked, 'How are you?' and actually meant it? A genuine listener is pretty hard to come by, especially these days when everyone's eyes are attached to their phones. When they're talking, give them your attention. They'll feel it and appreciate it. Being interested in another person is one of the best ways to show someone you like them and make them feel like they matter. Even if they're just complaining about their mom, support them. Help them laugh about it. Everyone needs a shoulder from time to time, and you could be that shoulder.
Use compliments. In addition to getting people feeling good about themselves, compliments are a great ice breaker, too. "Hey, I love those shoes! Where did you get them?" is an easy way to start a conversation. It could be one of the highlights of their day. Who knows? Think about your friends. Which ones do you associate with positivity and which with negativity? It probably doesn't take you too long to come up with your answer. Here's a heads up: you want to be associated with positivity, and giving compliments is a way to do just that.
Make time for them. You have a lot of friends now. Once you have them on your side, the main battle is going to be making time for them. If you have a set schedule, great. Monday is for your choir friends, Tuesday is for soccer, and so forth. Just make sure if you haven't seen a friend in a while to give them a call! This is the main downside to being friends with everyone – they all want a piece of your time. If it starts to burn you out, don't ignore it. Take some time to yourself and refuel. Your real friends will be patient and there when you're ready.
Showing You're Friend Material
Be a friend you'd want to have. Being friends with everyone isn't about being in the popular clique or demanding respect by being snooty, it's about being likeable and being a good friend. If you want everyone to like you, act like someone you would like. What kind of friend do you picture everyone liking? A good place to start is by being considerate and helpful. If someone missed a day in class, offer your notes. Do they need a ride somewhere? That's an opportunity, too. Who knows? When you need a favour, they may pay it back.
Make them feel good. Most of us battle with self-image issues and we all have days where we don't feel great about ourselves. But when we meet someone who comes along and who wants to be our friend and who makes life a little more fun, it's easy to perk up. Make your new friends feel good by actively saying you want to hang out, complimenting them, and going out of your way to be friends. Text them randomly, send notes, and just let them know you're on their side. Even just being there for them can change their life. Recent studies have shown that having one good friend can not only make you incredibly happier, but it can also lengthen your life. What's more, one good friend is the equivalent in happiness of $100,000 a year. You just being there for them is quite the gift.
Find the good in them. Realize that in the process of being friends with (nearly) everyone, you will encounter people with all sorts of personalities, attitudes, opinions and interests. You need to make yourself open-minded and pleasant enough such that you can get along with all of these varying people, even if you may not 100% agree with them on everything. Concentrate on their good qualities and what you like about them – not what you disagree about. Be a respectful person so you can respectfully agree to disagree when differences come along. You don't necessarily have to suppress your views or opinions, but make sure that you're not expressing them in an offensive or harmful way towards others.
Put in the work to keep the friendship. Since you have so many friends, sometimes it's naturally going to be difficult to keep up the friendship. What's more, friends naturally come and go – most research says half of any social circle dissipates in 7 years. If you found some friends you want to keep close by, put the work in. Invite them to things for no reason, call them, and stay connected. It's a two-way street, after all. And if your friends are far away from you, you'll need to put in more work. Studies show, though it's completely logical, that far-away friendships fall apart more quickly and tend to get replaced by local friendships. So keep up the texting, the Facebooking, and the phone calls. You two can still be there for each other if you need it.
Don't badmouth others or gossip excessively. While it may make for an interesting two-minute conversation, you never know whom you might be offending and what bridges you may be burning. Also, if you're always badmouthing others, people pick up on that and will be more hesitant about you – how do they know that you're not bad-mouthing them when they're not around? Be a pleasant person, follow the golden rule (treat others the way you would like to be treated), and the friends will come flocking.
Don't take it personally if not everyone wants to be friends. If you notice that you are routinely left out of plans, or don't hear about things until the event is over, realize that people may be subtle but intentionally trying to exclude you. While you may see this as a hurtful act, others do not have the obligation to be your friend, and if they feel that your personality doesn't jive with the rest of theirs, it's their prerogative to decide whether to include you. Forget about trying too hard to join that group and move on to find other friends. If you find yourself having to ask every weekend what someone is up to in order to be a part of a group, switch it up and contact someone else in the group whom you know. Alternatively, invite the person to hang out and see what they say. If your invitation conflicts with existing plans, they may invite you to join them. If your invitation to hang out falls before an existing plan, you too may end up going to the group activity together.
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