Best Mom Jokes
Lighten the mood with these fresh and funny mom jokes. There are so many mom jokes that people have heard before, but the following are fresh off the joke press. Here are the best mom jokes to make people laugh and introduce good vibes into the conversation: Why pay a therapist when you have me? I like telling mom jokes. Sometimes, she laughs! I’m my kids' favorite person to overthink things with. I used to play piano by ear, but now I just play it by mom-ory. Mom, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me. My parenting style can be summed up in one word: improvise! I tried to make a joke about a toddler bed, but then it fell apart. I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust! Some graduate with honors, I am just honored my kids graduated. My kid told me a joke about boxing. I guess I missed the punch line. When does a joke become a mom joke? When it becomes apparent. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? Well, they woke up. Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way someone is excited to see you! What's it like to have the best daughter in the world? You'll have to ask grandma! Never tell a mom you need personal space. You came out of her personal space! Being a parent means never having a moment to yourself—even in the bathroom. The only thing that rivals birthing children is waking them up the day after break ends! I told my son I was going to buy him a book on procrastination, but I keep putting it off. My kids call it “helicopter parenting,” but I prefer to think of it as “surveillance with love.” Good moms let you lick the beaters after making brownies, great moms turn them off first. Helping the kids with homework: Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems. I told my daughter to stop playing with her food. So she started playing with her plate instead. I told my kids they can be anything they want when they grow up, as long as it's not taller than me. When I asked my mom if she could make me a sandwich, she said, “Poof! You're a sandwich!” Mom's recipe for iced coffee: 1. Have kids. 2. Make coffee. 3. Forget you made coffee. 4. Drink it cold. What did the accountant say while making breakfast for her kids? This whole parenting thing is really taxing. I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, “Not yet. We're still waiting for someone to come and claim you.” Why do parents always say, “Because I said so?” “Because science” isn't always a good enough explanation. Why do parents make terrible detectives? Because we always find the evidence after the crime has been committed. I told my kids they should've been born in a different decade. They asked why. I said, “Because it's cheaper by the dozen!”
Funny Mom Jokes
Drop a funny mom joke to make people roll their eyes (in the best way). There’s a thin line between funny and cheesy, and these mom jokes are the perfect blend of both. If you’re looking for a classic joke that prompts a lot of laughter, here you go: How old are you again? I've lost track at this point. Of all the evil stepmoms, aren't you glad you got me? My kids: 3 out of 5 stars, could have been a bit quieter. Honey, stop looking for the perfect match…use a lighter. Are my kids perfect? No, but we can blame dad for that one! If being a parent were a job, I'd be the CEO of chaos management. I used to be a vegetarian, but then I had too much beef with the other moms. Here's one way to teach the kids about irony: scream, “STOP SCREAMING.” If I ever go missing, just follow my kids. They can find me wherever I try to hide! Cleaning with children in the house is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos. I love all my children equally. Except for the one that sleeps… I love that one more. When your mom asks if you want some advice, remember it is a rhetorical question. I always have a take on everything. My husband calls my explanations momsplaining. All we can really do as parents is try our best and set aside enough money for therapy. I smile because I'm your mother, but I laugh because there's nothing you can do about it! How many moms does it take to get you to clean your room? One, but it takes 20 years! According to my kids, dogs are boys and cats are girls, but moms, only moms are bears. We have the perfect mother-daughter relationship. You're my daughter, and I'm perfect! My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best. There are no rules in this house…besides never ask me for anything before I've had my coffee. Why do moms feel the need to tell such bad jokes? We just want to help you become a groan up. I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation. I figure it's better than sitting around doing nothing! I tried to teach my kids about taxes, but they just responded with, “That sounds like a you problem.” My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7Up. Son: “Mom, can I get $20?” Mom: “Does it look like I'm made of money?” Son: “Well, isn't that what M.O.M stands for?” I’ve learned that parenting is a lot like playing Whac-A-Mole. Just when you think you've got one problem solved, another one pops up. First child eats dirt, mom calls the doctor. Second child eats dirt, mom cleans out their mouth. Third child eats dirt, mom wonders if she still needs to make lunch.
Cute Mom Jokes
Tickle everyone’s funny bone with a cute and corny mom joke. If you’re looking for a mom joke that’s wildly unserious (yet relatable), look no further! The following options are sweet, silly, and sure to have your family howling with laughter: Home is where your mom is. I’m a woman like no m-other. There’s no hood like motherhood. You're welcome for the fabulous DNA. You're welcome for the womb and board. Nothing is really lost until mom can't find it. I’ll say you're my favorite if you give me a massage! I never expected to miss having you in the house so much! Why is a computer so smart? Because it listens to its motherboard. It's Mother's Day. Take a mom-ent to celebrate how awesome I am! How do I always find your missing phone? I have an amazing mom-ory. My greatest failure: never being able to teach you how to fold a fitted sheet. I love you loads…like the loads of laundry you probably have waiting for me. At my age, I'm no longer a snack. I'm a Happy Meal. I come with toys and kids. Never make fun of me for how I use my phone, if I taught you how to use a spoon. Why is Mother's Day before Father's Day? So kids can spend their Christmas money on mom. Mom: Master of multitasking, maker of memories, manager of money, maker of meals, made of magic. I hate when I'm waiting for mom to cook dinner and then I remember I am the mom, and I have to cook dinner. I used to think I was a morning person, but then I had kids. Now, I'm more of a "give me all the coffee" person. Life of a mom: It takes 35 minutes to put shoes on your toddler, but they can open 3 apps, delete Spotify, and call your boss in 17 seconds.
New Mom Jokes
Joke about being a new mom to help you adjust to motherhood. The life of a new mom involves recovering from childbirth, frequent feedings, sleepless nights, and a whirlwind of emotions. If you’re trying to adjust to this new norm (or help someone else adjust), crack a joke about being a new mom. It’s a great way to lighten the mood and cope with the difficulties of parenting. Nap time is the new “Happy Hour.” Spit up: The new must-have accessory. May your coffee be stronger than your toddler. If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest? I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband. Wondering if my baby is sleeping through the night? Don’t. And no. Ever wonder why Mama Bear’s porridge was too cold? Now you know. Important truth no one tells you: Both of you come home from the hospital in diapers. New mom math: Being able to instantly calculate age by months, even after one year. A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do in a day. When your baby looks like a model and you’re on day three of the same sweatpants. “Sure, you can hold my newborn without cleaning your hands,” said no new mom ever. A friend asked me if she should have a baby after 40. I said no, 40 babies are enough. It’s ironic that we celebrate the kid on the anniversary of the day their mom did all the work. What do newborns and new moms have in common? You both go home from the hospital in diapers. Mom math: The ability to rattle off the exact number of months, weeks or days your child is at a moment's notice. Why do moms switch to drinks that are bitter and sweet once they have kids? They've been served a cold glass of reali-tea. You know it’s time to clean out the diaper bag when you put it on the front seat and your car assumes it’s a person not wearing a seatbelt. I’m going to donate these bags of outgrown baby clothes to Goodwill. But first I’m going to drive around with them in my trunk for two months. First baby: You start wearing maternity clothes as soon as the test is positive. Second baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. Third baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes.
Jokes About Motherhood
Toss out a joke about motherhood to bond with other moms. Whether you’re talking to your mom or a fellow mom friend, these jokes capture the highs (and lows) of being a mom. They’re a great way to connect with other moms and let them know they’re not alone—life as a mom is incredibly beautiful, rewarding, and chaotic! Mother: (n.) One person who does the work of 30 for free. Motherhood: Where a solo trip to the bathroom no longer exists. Mothers of teens understand why some animals eat their young. Mommy doesn’t have a favorite child—you all annoy me equally. Being a mom is hard. You have to raise kids and a full-grown man! Motherhood has shown me that you don’t need fun to have alcohol. Motherhood: Because going to the bathroom in private is overrated. “It’s spicy” is the universal mom code word for “I don’t want to share.” Silence is golden. Until you have children. Then it’s highly-suspicious. What does the mom diet consist of? All of the foods her kids can't finish. The fastest way to spread news isn’t on the internet. It’s by telling your mom. Motherhood taught me just how far I can let myself go and still be okay with it. Moms don’t wish they could sleep like a baby. They wish they could sleep like a dad. What's the fastest way for a mom to get her kids' attention? Sit down and look relaxed. Some days you question your parenting. Other days you have to question your child’s childing. Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes. Don’t be so hard on yourself—the mom in ET had an alien living in her house for weeks and didn’t notice. The motherhood challenge: Go to bed early to catch up on sleep or stay awake to finally get some alone time. Motherhood means that half the time I feel like I’m running an asylum, and the other half I feel like I belong in one. Ever heard of a job that requires no experience, gives no training, pays nothing, and you
Best Mom Puns
Come up with a silly pun to make people laugh (or groan). Play around with words to create a mom joke that’s seriously punny. The more cringe-worthy and clever, the better! Here are the best, or worst of the worst, puns to make your entire family smile: You da mom! Mom’s cooking is egg-cellent. Mom, you’re knit-erally the best. You’re a woman like no m-other. You are mom-believably amazing! If moms were flowers, I’d pick you. Everything you do is so mom point. She’s mom-pressive beyond words. You did a grape job raisin me, mom! She’s the mom-sterpiece of our family. Mom-stoppable and always on the go! MOM-opoly: She owns all the good vibes. Not to be cheesy, but you’re a grate mom. Today, we take a mom-ent to celebrate you! Mom is my butter half…spreading love everywhere. Moms are sew amazing—they patch up everything! I’m thankful for the mom-umental role you play in my life! Mom, I love you loads. Speaking of, can you do my laundry? When it comes to parental love and support, I really hit the mother lode with you. My favorite moments in life are really just mom-ents, because everything is better with you.can’t quit? That’s motherhood. Oh, and people’s lives are on the line.
Mom Jokes for Kids
Whip out a kid-friendly joke about moms to make your child smile. If you want to make your child or younger relative laugh, drop a mom joke that’s silly and easy to understand. Here are some example jokes that have a clear punchline: What did the mom flower say to the little flower? “Hi, bud!” Why was the baby strawberry sad? Her mom got into a jam. What do mommy bees use to brush their hair? Honeycombs. What was Cleopatra's favorite day of the year? Mummy's day. What color flowers do mama cats like to get? Purrrrrple flowers. Why do mama cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work. What do you call a mother cow that just gave birth? De-calf-inated. Why did the bean children give their mom a sweater? She was chili. Why did the mama battery take a vacation? She needed to recharge. Where do mother boats take their babies when they get sick? To the doc. What do Italian kids say to their moms? “Mama mia, you make the best food!” Why did the mother oak tree give the baby tree a time out? It was being knotty. What did the hermit crabs do on Mother's Day? They shellabrated their mommy. What did mommy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web. Did you hear about the mom that told a bad chemistry joke? She didn't get a reaction. Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook! What did the mommy tomato say to the kid tomato when they were walking slowly? “Ketchup!” How did medieval moms keep their kids from being afraid of the dark? They used knight lights. How do mother ghosts always know when their children are lying? Because they can see right through them. Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her? “I really hit the mother lode with you!”
“You Know You’re a Mom When…” Jokes
Drop a “you know you’re a mom when…” joke to bring the house down. Looking for a hilarious mom joke to leave everyone in stitches? Mention a funny experience that all moms can relate to! Whether it’s being a master multitasker or losing track of time, these silly options will provide all the LOLs you need: You know you’re a mom when…silence isn’t golden—it’s suspicious. You know you’re a mom when…someone else gets hurt and you cry. You know you’re a mom when…happy hour is nap time—yours or theirs. You know you’re a mom when…you use baby wipes to clean literally everything. You know you're a mom when…you celebrate nap time like it’s a national holiday. You know you're a mom when…you step on a Lego and still manage not to swear (out loud). You know you’re a mom when…you’ve been used as a human Kleenex and didn’t bat an eye. You know you’re a mom when…being alone in your car is the most exciting part of your day. You know you’re a mom when…you consider a permanent marker a weapon of mass destruction. You know you're a mom when…you can recite the entire script of Frozen but forgot what day it is. You know you’re a mom when…you have a secret stash of candy that not even your spouse gets to see. You know you’re a mom when…the first thing you say when you walk into a room is, “What’s that smell?” You know you’re a mom when…you glide the shopping cart back and forth even when there’s no baby in it. You know you’re a mom when…you understand on a deep level why Mama Bear’s porridge was too cold. You know you’re a mom when…you have multiple conversations a day about poop, and none of it is yours. You know you’re a mom when…going to work feels like a vacation, and going on vacation feels like work. You know you’re a mom when…you see a smear of brown on your shirt and you have to smell it to see if it’s poop or chocolate. You know you’re a mom when…you have to choose between sneezing and waking the baby or holding it in and dislocating a rib. You know you’re a mom when…all you want for your birthday is for people to stop getting a new glass every time they need a drink. You know you’re a mom when…you realize you just cleaned the living room so your kids would have room to play with all the toys that don’t fit in their messy rooms.
Silly Mom Knock-Knock Jokes
Throw out a creative knock-knock joke for loads of laughter. Some knock-knock jokes have a reputation for being corny and cliché, but the following lines are the perfect blend of cheesy and charming. Here are some hilarious knock-knock jokes to get the giggles going: Knock-knock. Who’s there? Etch. Etch who? Bless you! Knock-knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you! Knock-knock. Who’s there? Adore. Adore who? Adore you! Knock-knock. Who’s there? Abby. Abby who? Abby Mother’s Day! Knock-knock. Who’s there? Alec. Alec who? Alec to give you kisses. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Radio. Radio who? Radio not. Here I come. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Howard. Howard who? Good. Howard you? Knock-knock. Who’s there? Ben. Ben who? Ben thinking about you all day. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Al. Al who? Al give you a hug for Mother’s Day! Knock-knock. Who’s there? Sarah. Sarah who? Sarah doctor in the house? Knock-knock. Who’s there? Auto. Auto who? You auto know it’s me by now. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Hugh. Hugh who? Hugh have an incredible smile. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Water. Water who? Water you doing later tonight? Knock-knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it’s cold out here! Knock-knock. Who’s there? Omelet. Omelet who? Omelet Mommy sleep in today. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Honeydew. Honeydew who? Honeydew you want a hug? Knock-knock. Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time to say Happy Mother’s Day! Knock-knock. Who’s there? Wooden shoe. Wooden shoe who? Wooden shoe like to know? Knock-knock. Who’s there? Euripides. Euripides who? Euripides clothes, you pay for them! Knock-knock. Who’s there? Thermos. Thermos who? Thermos be a better way to get to you. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Eye. Eye who. Eye think you’re the funniest person I’ve ever met. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Ice cream. Ice cream who? Ice cream if you don’t give me some candy! Knock-knock. Who’s there? Little Old Lady. Little Old Lady who? Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel.
Funny Celebrity Mom Quotes
Share a famous quote about motherhood if you’re really going through it. Motherhood is a special club, and celebrity mothers can relate to many of the experiences and struggles it entails. For the times you need a little laughter in your life (or your children are testing you), these quotes are bound to bring a smile to your face: “You will always be your child’s favorite toy.” —Vicki Lansky “Children are like crazy, drunken, small people in your house.” —Julie Bowen “It’s not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” —Dorothy, The Golden Girls “Neurotics build castles in the air. Psychotics live in them. Mothers clean them.” —Rita Rudner “Ah, babies. They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.” —Tina Fey “You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep.” —Shonda Rhimes “Having an infant son alerts me to the fact that every man, at one point, has peed on his own face.” —Olivia Wilde “I always say, if you aren’t yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them.” —Reese Witherspoon “The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.” —Lane Olinghouse “It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish.” —Carrie Underwood “When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” —Erma Bombeck “Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.” —Phyllis Diller “When you’re a mom of teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” —Nora Ephron “It’d be cool if my kids could make something I actually want, like a bottle of wine, out of macaroni and glue.” —Stephanie McMaster “The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant and let the air out of the tires.” —Dorothy Parker “When you’re a twerking mother, balance is really important because you don’t want to go too low and blow out your butt and bust your knee.” —Amy Poehler “I’ve learned that it’s way harder to be a baby. For instance, I haven’t thrown up since the ’90s, and she’s thrown up twice since we started this interview.” —Eva Mendez “Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids therapy.” —Michelle Pfiefer “Sometimes I stand there going, ‘I’m not doing any of this right!’ And then I get this big man belch out of her and I go, ‘Ah, we accomplished this together.'” —Christina Applegate “Some days I find myself doing strange things that don’t have any real purpose, in faraway corners in my house, and I realize I am literally and deliberately hiding from my children.” —Kate Hudson “Having a baby is just living in the constant unexpected. You never know when you’re gonna get crapped on or when you’re gonna get a big smile or when that smile immediately turns into hysterics.” —Blake Lively
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