Rajeev Khandelwal: Don't look forward to award functions because my first experience wasn't pleasant

New Delhi: Unlike his contemporaries, Rajeev Khandelwal doesn't vie for awards to prove his acting prowess. If his conviction helped him garner huge appreciation for his character Sujal Garewal in 'Kahiin To Hoga', his willingness to take risks helped him bag his first Bollywood offer 'Aamir'. In addition to helping him win critical appreciation, the film allowed Rajeev to carve a niche for himself in Bollywood, without relying on anyone. In an exclusive chat with IBNLive, Rajeev speaks about his film 'Samrat & Co', why he doesn't have much faith in award functions and a lot more.

You had said in one of your recent interviews that at times you get so lost in your thoughts that you end up entering a zone which is difficult to comprehend and penetrate. Does this bother your wife?

Yes, it used to bother my wife Manjiri a lot. I remember vividly how Manjiri would tell me, 'Can I have you here?' I think my mind wanders a lot especially when I'm working on something important. Since I wasn't able to concentrate on one particular thing, I'd feel guilty and try to not bring my work to home. But these things happen especially in a profession like ours because an actor is busy thinking about his/her character all the time. Later, we reached a point where Manjiri would look at me and read my thoughts.

Restricting to one's zone might come across as a telltale sign suggesting that one is getting too involved in work and should hit the Pause button immediately. After all, this is scary, right?

As long as I'm in Mumbai, I think only about my work and toil hard to achieve my goals. But as soon as I step out of Mumbai, work-related worries become non-existent. I have a house in Goa too. Whenever Manjiri and I visit Goa, I'm never anxious about my work. But the moment I'm back in Mumbai, the pressure builds up because work is created for us even when there is none.

Is it an exaggeration when we say you prefer staying detached in life?

Not at all. This sense of detachment seeped into my career much earlier in life, at the time when I garnered huge popularity for my character Sujal Garewal in 'Kahiin Toh Hoga'. Even though I earned adulation and applause for my hardwork, I kept myself detached from all the stardom that came my way. That was also one reason why I left the show. Logon ne socha Rajeev ne show choda hoga film karne ke liye. But I quit the show because I wanted to stay detached from everything that happened at that time. Each moment I stepped out, they would be hordes of girls waiting to meet me and fans trying hard to get a glimpse of me. But I knew that adulation was for Sujal, my character and not Rajeev Khandelwal the actor. I would repeatedly tell myself, 'You are Rajeev Khandewal and nobody knows you. So when you go out, just enjoy. But when you come back, don't think Rajeev Khandelwal is popular, it the character." And when I decide to quit the show, many told me I would end up being a one-film wonder. I gave up money, the best production house to start from scratch. Since the character Sujal was made by me, I knew I'll be able to create something else again. And Aamir helped me do that. Like everybody, even I thought I would make a debut with a romantic film. But I think as long as you are not exposed to certain things, it is fine.

Aren't you extremely self-restraining, always making efforts to control your actions?

We all live by our own set of rules. Everyone has a way to work. I neither demean nor belittle others for the manner in which they function. But I know what works well for me and suits me that's why I follow it. This is how I work and I'm very comfortable doing. This is neither better than anyone, nor inferior to anyone. When I meet people, they call me modest and humble. But I'm neither, that's my make! I'll look like a wannabe if I blow kisses at my fans, it just doesn't come naturally to me. In my head, I thank all my fans for their unconditional love because I know there is nothing very special about me. But all this come across as my humility. There are moments when I feel the need to tell everyone that this happens because I consider them on the same platform as mine. You may be in a bank, doing your job in the way I'm doing my job as an actor.

You try to prove your versatility as an actor by performing varied roles. Have you ever felt that an actor of the Kapoor clan, who does exactly the same, earns more applause merely because he belongs to a Bollywood family? Do you think he gets it all because of the partiality that exist in Bollywod?

I wouldn't call it partiality. This is about supporting someone from your own clan. But I don't hold grudge against anyone; I know this happens in Bollywood. It exists because this is how our society and world operates. Hence, I don't take it personally. Ranbir is a talented guy and I like him. What excites me is the work that I do. I know I don't have a surname attached to me and I'm still successful at creating my own with whatever I'm doing. I know there are many who wonder why I don't do commercial films. But why should I go by what others think? What's the point if I don't have my own thought process? All of us learn from our own careers and life and that become our ideology. I wasn't prepared for 'Aamir' but I created something very different. I keep experimenting with my roles, try to create something new and carve a niche for myself.

Do you follow awards functions including National Awards?

I don't follow any awards. I don't look forward to any awards because my first experience wasn't very pleasant. After the release of 'Aamir', I was nominated for a couple of awards. But not invited to any of those award functions. That was quite off-putting. The fact that they didn't invite me proved they had already decided the winner. Maybe someday I will attend these awards thinking they are genuine. How is it that the actresses and actors who are present for the award function end up bagging the awards too?

Since your fans' expectations are high from your film 'Samrat & Co', are there any fears at all?

I have no fear. In fact, I want people to come to theatre with all sorts of expectations. I haven't watched the finished product yet, but I have seen the rough cuts and I'm very confident about the film. I'm waiting to see viewers' reactions because I know that the film will be liked by everyone.