- Self-entitled individuals have an inflated sense of self. They also have an inflated sense of what they themselves deserve from the world and from others.
- When someone’s self-entitled, they're more likely to put their own needs above others, and are often too happy to inconvenience other people.
- One of the best ways to deal with self-entitlement is to say “no” more often by setting clear boundaries.
What is self-entitlement?
Self-entitlement is a state of mind where someone believes they deserve more than they do. These individuals feel they’re owed something simply because they exist. On the surface, they appear self-centered and self-obsessed, but they may be insecure deep down. Self-entitlement is linked to narcissistic traits, because it shows a lapse of empathy and self awareness. But like narcissism, self-entitlement can actually be a way for people to hide vulnerabilities. Entitlement can often lead to distress and dissatisfaction with one's life and self, as a self-entitled individual is constantly seeking to be bigger and better. Self-entitled people aren’t necessarily self-entitled forever. Self-entitlement is a mentality that can be overcome with the right guidance and motivation. In other words, everyone can be a bit entitled at times. What’s important is being able to recognize when you’re exhibiting the behavior, and then making an effort to shift your mindset.
12 Signs Someone is Self-Entitled
They only care about themselves. Simply put, self-entitled people are typically selfish, self-absorbed, and self-centered. Their own motivations and goals are what matter most, and they’re not afraid to push others aside for their own agenda. For instance, an entitled person will “forget” to go to a relative’s birthday party because they don’t like the theme or have other things they want to do.
They believe they’re better than everyone else. Self-entitled individuals have an exaggerated sense of self. In their eyes, they’re the best thing to ever happen. They see themselves at the top of the totem pole while everyone else is at the bottom. This results in toxic confidence and arrogance. Let’s say you have an entitled coworker. They likely believe they don’t have to do the same work as you (despite having the same position and qualifications) because they think they’re more accomplished or charming than you.
They believe they deserve special treatment. In the eyes of a self-entitled person, they deserve the best because they’re living. They think the world revolves around them and everyone should give them exactly what they need and more. This could mean getting an upgrade on their flight or having their meal paid for at a restaurant.
They’re surrounded by drama. Chances are, if you know a self-entitled person, they’re always in the middle of controversy or drama. They know all the latest gossip and love stirring the pot (if only to make themselves look better). It might even be that their own self-entitlement caused friend frustrations that lead to a public fight! For example, a self-entitled friend will constantly be asking for the latest tea and then spilling it to the next possible ear (even if it damages your reputation).
They seek constant validation. Self-entitled people crave admiration and praise. They love being the center of attention because it means they’re the topic of discussion. Their hidden insecurities cause them to cling to other people’s appreciation because they may not fully believe in themselves. Say you’re working on a group project for class. If a classmate is entitled, they’ll likely push to present the assignment if only to get a round of applause and smile from the teacher.
They believe they deserve to be happy, but don't care if others are. A self-entitled individual puts their happiness above others. They’ll go out of their way to serve themselves, even at the expense of loved ones. This may look like ordering takeout despite knowing a friend has a specific allergy or taking full credit for a group project (despite having done little to no work on it).
They think they’re above the rules. If a person is self-entitled, they think the rules don’t apply to them. While everyone else must follow them, they can simply slide on by. For instance, other people need to start at the bottom of the corporate ladder and work their way up, but a self-entitled person believes they shouldn’t have to. Let’s pretend you’re going to a movie. A self-entitled person will cut in front of you in line while you’re getting popcorn or keep their phone on during the movie all because they don’t believe general rules apply to them.
They hardly take responsibility. Self-entitled individuals don’t own up to their mistakes. In their eyes, they’re perfect, and everyone else is below them. Their “mistakes” are a blessing for others, so why should they apologize for them? For example, an entitled friend won’t apologize if they broke your headphones. Even if it’s entirely their fault, they’ll find a way to point the blame somewhere else by saying something like, “You shouldn’t have left them on the chair! Anyone could’ve sat on them.”
They talk about themselves a lot. When someone’s self-entitled, they expect everyone to care about their life. Their agenda, mood, and routine are more important than everyone else’s, so they expect everyone to want to know about them and them only. In other words, they’re life is more exciting and deserves to be talked about. If you’re at a family gathering, a self-entitled person will find a way to squeeze something about themselves in every conversation. Had a bad day at school? They’ve had worse. Learning how to play the guitar? They learned and perfected the skill years ago.
They’re argumentative. If someone’s self-entitled, they believe they’re always right. They’re rather combative thanks to this mentality and will often get into arguments over the littlest things, all because they’re “always right.” For instance, entitled individuals will continue to counter arguments (no matter how just) with statements like, “You’re wrong!” “I can’t believe you said that about me,” or “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
They’re a know-it-all. Self-entitled people think they know best. It’s their opinion or no opinion; their way or the highway. Who needs Google when they’re around? After all, they know everything, and that’s an accomplishment in and of itself. Say you’re asking a friend for advice. A self-entitled person would likely butt in and tell you what they think, even though you didn’t ask for their opinion.
They’re horrible listeners. Self-entitled individuals expect people to listen to them but are terrible listeners themselves. They tend to have selective hearing and can be defensive in conversations that aren’t about them. Let’s pretend you ask your roommate to empty the dishwasher and they give you a nod or thumbs up. If they’re entitled, you’ll come home later to find the dishwasher still full, and when confronting them, they say, “You never said that” or “I didn’t hear you.”
What to Do If You’re Self-Entitled
Think about things from a new perspective. A great way to overcome an entitled mentality is to practice perspective-taking. Perspective-taking is when you pretend to be in someone else’s shoes. Think about a time when you got annoyed with someone. Then, pretend you’re that person—how did they see the event unfold? What were they feeling?
Support other people. An excellent way to overcome self-entitlement is to practice supporting and promoting those around you. Set aside your goals and accomplishments for now (only for a moment, don’t worry), and focus on a friend or family member's. What do they have going on in their lives right now that you can help with? For instance, maybe your sibling is graduating high school. Do they need help applying to colleges? Would a midnight fast-food run help calm their exam nerves? Do what you can to support and uplift them, even if it means putting yourself out for a short while.
Be mindful of your behavior. There’s a difference between being confident and self-assured and being selfish and arrogant. Notice when you have selfish thoughts or act arrogantly and work on reversing those behaviors. The more aware you are of what you’re doing, the easier it’ll be to change. Try journaling to process your feelings and thoughts. This is an excellent way to identify your triggers and understand more about yourself. Ask friends and family to let you know what you exhibit self-entitled behaviors. Share with them that you want to change, but you need their help to do so. It’ll be easier to acknowledge and change the behavior if they point out when you're acting entitled.
Practice guessing that there are always at least 2 sets of needs in every situation. In any given conversation or situation, expand your skills by thinking: "I know there are two sets of needs here. What are mine? Does the person have a need here, too?"
How do you deal with a self-entitled person?
Call them out. Don’t nourish a self-entitled person’s behavior, as this only raises their elevated ego. Instead, tell them what you really think (respectfully, of course). Let them know if they’ve said or done something that hurt you. The more you point out the selfishness of a entitled individual, the more likely they are to recognize their faults. Now, it’s important to note that there are 2 types of self-entitled individuals: those who want to change and those who don’t. Keep in mind that you can only truly help those who are willing to make a change.
Set boundaries. Sometimes you can’t avoid interacting with a self-entitled person, so it’s important to clarify what you need and want right off the bat. Make clear boundaries to protect yourself and keep them at a careful distance. Your boundaries could look something like: “I can do this to help you, but you must figure out the rest of the project yourself. I have other obligations.” “I’d appreciate it if you stopped calling me after 10 PM. I’m happy to chat before then, but I like to go to bed on time.” “I’m available to chat during weekday work hours.” “Let’s take a moment to calm down and collect our thoughts. I want to discuss this, but not right now when we’re both on edge.”
Be assertive. When dealing with a self-entitled person, you have to be willing to say “no.” Don’t bow down to self-entitled behavior. Instead, listen to your gut, say “no,” and stick with it. The more assertive you are, the less likely people will walk over you. In other words, assertiveness equals respect. Assertive language is direct and respectful, so keep your tone mild and calm. Use “I” statements to express how you’re feeling and why. For example, you say, “I disagree,” rather than “You’re wrong.” Practice rehearsing what you want to say before you say it. This is an excellent way to assess your tone and wording before talking with someone. Explain why you’re saying “no” to emphasize why your refusal is fair to help them better understand their behavior.
Avoid arguing. Self-entitled individuals flourish in combative situations because they never believe they’re wrong. Arguing with a self-entitled person can be frustrating, especially when they don’t own up to their mistakes. So, do your best to remain calm when speaking with them, keeping a level-headed and respectable tone. If you get angry, take a few deep breaths and walk away. Giving yourself a moment to cool down can help you approach the situation with an open and kind mind.
Be helpful but avoid handouts. In a manner of speaking, self-entitled people are a bit lazy—they’re always looking for someone to do the work for them! Rather than caving and doing their job, offer a helping hand to get them started. This is a great way to gently put them back on track without being combative. For example, say you have a self-entitled coworker who wants to sit back while you finish a project because you’ve been with the company longer and know what to do. Stop this self-entitled behavior by giving them a simple task they can do, one that would throw them under the bus if they don’t complete it.
What’s another word for self-entitled?
Self-entitled can also be described as “egocentrism” or “selfishness.” Above all else, self-entitlement is a form of selfishness. Those who feel entitled often have a large ego, believing themselves to be the best of the best. Because of this, “self-entitled” can be replaced with words like “privilege,” “egomania,” “self-absorption,” “self-centeredness,” and “self-importance.”
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