Comforting Your Mom When She’s Upset
Ask your mom if she wants to talk about what's bothering her. Have this conversation with your mom when you have one-on-one time and when neither of you has anywhere to be. If possible, have an in-person conversation rather than over the phone or on a video call. For example, you could try talking to your mom after dinner or when you’re spending the day together during the weekend. Say something simple: "I’ve noticed you seem a little sad today. What’s wrong?” Asking your mom what’s wrong will show her that you care about her feelings and want to make her feel happier.
Validate your mom’s thoughts and feelings. Once your mom has shared why she’s upset with you, make her feel comfortable and understood by “validating [her] emotions, behaviors, or thoughts,” recommends clinical psychologist Rebecca Kason. “This doesn’t necessarily mean you agree with them,” clarifies Kason, but “it means that you find them understandable.” To validate your mom’s feelings and make her feel better, say something like “I can understand why you feel that way” or “That’s a really frustrating and upsetting situation.” If you’re not completely clear on why this particular thing upset your mom, say something like, “I can tell this is really important to you, and I want to make sure I’m understanding correctly. Can you explain this part of it to me again?”
Ask your mom how you can support her. Your mom may have a specific thing she’s worried about that you can offer your help with. For example, if your mom is stressed about cleaning the house before your grandparents visit, you could offer to help her clean up. If your mom is having trouble coming up with a way for you to support her, licensed clinical psychologist Rebecca Kason advises giving “a multiple choice option that includes a normalizing statement.” Kason gives the following example to use in this situation: “Sometimes when I am upset I like to have some alone time; other times when I am upset, I want someone to hear me out. Which do you think would be best for you right now?” If she still can’t make a choice, Kason recommends making a “‘best guess’ and modeling that coping skill for her” by saying something like: “‘It seems like it’s not a great time to talk about XYZ. I am going to take a break for a little while to go on a walk, and we can revisit this tomorrow if you’d like.’”
Give your mom a big hug. At the end of your conversation, or at another point during the day, ask your mom if you can give her a big hug. Try smiling at her, too. It seems simple, but hugs are great for cheering people up and making them feel supported.
Say something kind and affectionate to your mom. You could compliment her, tell her you love her, or name something you admire about her. Even though it can be really sad to see your mom cry, remember that she loves you deeply and your words mean a lot to her. Try one of these caring statements: “I love you.” “You are important to me.” “I appreciate everything you do for me.” “I care about you.” “You’re not alone.” “I see how strong you’re being right now.”
Letting Your Mom Know You Care
Reach out to her with a phone call or text. If you and your mom aren’t physically in the same place, give her a call or send her a message to let you know you’re thinking about her. Ask her how her day is going and fill her in on any updates in your life. You don’t need a particular reason to call your mom; you can just chat! If you text her, add a smiley face, heart emoji, or find a funny GIF to brighten up the message.
Tag her in a social media post. Post a sweet message on your mom’s Facebook page that all her friends will also be able to see and comment on. Or, post an appreciation post for her on your Instagram story that she can repost to her own account. Try posting something you know will make her smile, such as a silly cat picture, a movie-related meme, or even a sincere compliment.
Invite her to do something fun. Ask her to do something with you that she loves, or that involves a mutual interest or hobby. Your mom probably always wants to spend more time with you, so inviting her to do something fun together is a great way to cheer your mom up when she’s down. For example, if your mom enjoys biking, then you can ask your mom to go for a bike ride with you. If your mom enjoys shopping, you can ask her to meet you at the mall. If she’s a foodie, you can ask her to go to lunch with you at a new restaurant. If you two always bond over your shared love of comedy, invite her to a stand-up show.
Surprise her with a small gift. Draw her a picture, get her a bag of her favorite candies, or pick some pretty wildflowers and put them into a vase to surprise her when she gets home. If your mom lives far away, you can send her a care package or order her a surprise food delivery when you know she’ll be home. Any kind of sweet gift or treat to surprise your mom is sure to cheer her up and comfort her when she’s down.
Helping to Lighten Your Mom’s Load
Clean the house. While your mom’s out of the house, tidy up the bathroom, living room, and kitchen so she doesn’t have to. Do some of your mom’s daily household chores for her, like doing the dishes, vacuuming, dusting furniture, taking out the trash, or feeding any pets. If you still live with your mom, clean your bedroom without being asked—she probably gets tired of nagging you, so that’ll be a sure way to cheer her up and make her feel like you’re listening! Picking up after yourself or helping your mom with chores is a great way to help out at any time, whether you’re trying to get your mom to forgive you when she’s mad or if you’re just trying to be kinder to her in general.
Offer to make dinner. If you are old enough to cook and know how to cook something your mom likes to eat, make a homemade meal for her. You don't need to make an elaborate meal—keep it simple if you need to. The point is to give your mom a night off from cooking so that she can relax and take care of herself! For example, if you know how to make mac and cheese, then make a batch for dinner and pair it with some carrot sticks or a salad. You can cook for her at the house or pick up a meal and bring it home. Alternatively, you could offer to pick up groceries for her so she has one less errand to run.
Ask your mom what would help her the most. If your mom needs cheering up, asking this question alone will make her feel better. She will appreciate your consideration and may suggest something you could do that would really make a difference in how she’s feeling. Try saying, “Mom, I want to help you out and take something off your plate. What can I do?” If you ask your mom how you can help cheer her up, make sure you follow through. If you offer to help and then bail on her, it will probably make her feel even worse.
Comments
0 comment