How to Be a Man of Your Word

Changing How You See Commitments and Promises

Treat small promises with the same level of importance as big ones. Being a man of your word means more than simply following through with the commitments you think people will remember; it means following through no matter what. Place the same value on keeping small promises as you do on keeping the big ones. Remember that being a man of your word is about integrity, and integrity matters even when no one is watching.

Write your commitments down. Writing your commitments down can help you change how you think about them, as well as being a great tool to help you remember them. Use index cards to write important commitments or promises out and keep them someplace safe that is preferably visible to you on a daily basis. Writing your commitments down may make you feel more accountable for actions. The act of writing your commitments down can help you to remember them.

Bridge the gap between abstract long term commitments and short term experiences. It can sometimes be easy to make commitments that would be unpleasant to keep because we tend not to think of things in the medium to distant future in a real way. If someone asks you to help them move next month, for instance, you are more likely to say yes than if they were to ask about this Sunday. That's because discomfort in the distant future doesn't seem real in the present. Viewing future events in an abstract sense is called the “planning fallacy” and it can lead you to make commitments for the future that you may not otherwise have made. Try to think of the things you are agreeing to do as though you were about to go do them right now. Don't agree to do things you wouldn't normally accept doing.

View your commitments as a privilege. While it's easy to see the commitments you have to others as burdens, try to reframe the way you see them to reflect the trust others must have in you. You have earned the respect of people in your life, and as a part of that respect, commitments have arisen. Following through on your word is a great way to show the people in your life that you care about them. People rely on you based on trust and respect. Having commitments to others is borne out of the respect and trust people have for you.

Managing Your Conversations

Don't agree to do things you don't want to do. Sometimes it may be tempting to agree to do something in conversation that you don't really want to do. Social or peer pressure can leave you agreeing to do something in the moment, despite not actually wanting to keep the commitment. Don't succumb to peer pressure when asked to do something that you truly don't want to do. This will make it easier not to go back on your word later. Treat your commitments as a valuable asset that you don't give away lightly.

Don't use excuses. If you find that you will not be able to fulfil a commitment that you've made, take responsibility for it. Making excuses can seem disingenuous, and it removes your responsibility to follow through. Instead, be honest and apologetic when you need to cancel plans. If you are uncomfortable explaining why you can't fulfil a promise, apologize sincerely and explain that you will try not to let it happen again. Disallowing yourself from using excuses will help motivate you to keep your promises and fulfill commitments.

Don't be vague about what you are committing to do. Do not say that you may be able to do something if you don't believe that you will for the sake of casual conversation. Instead, make solid commitments to do things when you intend to, and clearly explain that you cannot when you don't. Don't use vague wording like, “I'm not sure but I'll try,” when you don't want to do something. Be honest and clear about what you can and can't do. It's better to say you won't be able to do something now then to make excuses later.

Do what you said you'd do, even if you don't want to do it. Force yourself to keep your word, even if you don't want to at times. Sometimes you may commit yourself to something at a moment when it seems like something you wouldn't mind doing, only to find yourself lacking the motivation or energy when the time comes to fulfill your commitment. Don't allow yourself to fall through because of a change of heart. Always keep your promises and fulfil your commitments to the utmost of your ability. Keeping your word even when you don't want to will help to teach you not to commit to things you will not want to do.

Helping Yourself Keep Promises

Get a commitment partner. Find someone that you trust and ask them to be your commitment partner. A commitment partner is someone you share your personal, professional or social commitments with so they can hold you accountable for your actions. If you struggle to keep your commitments, a commitment partner could be a great tool for you. Use your best friend or significant other as your commitment partner so they can ask you if you fulfilled the commitments you discuss with them. Having someone to answer to can help motivate you to keep your commitments.

Schedule reminders for yourself on your phone or in your calendar. If you find yourself unable to follow through with commitments because you forget about them, try scheduling reminders for yourself on your phone or e-mail calendar. Most iPhones and Androids have applications that allow you to set reminders to go off at specific times and dates. E-mail applications like Outlook can also provide you with reminders of things you have committed to do.

Keep commitments you make to yourself. Following through is a habit, and as such you need to treat all commitments with equal importance. That means you must keep the promises you make to yourself as well as those you make to others. When you decide to do something, do it, regardless of who you committed to. Following through on your word no matter what will help make it second nature and eventually will require less and less mental effort.

Make a habit of keeping your promises. When you make keeping your word a habit, it will become second nature to you. Instead of using tools to help you keep your word, you can train yourself to do so without having to convince yourself. Make keeping your promises a habit so it requires less and less self-convincing to follow through. Maintaining such a habit will lead others to see you as a man that keeps his word. When you have a reputation for being honest, people will see you as being reliable, trustworthy, honorable, and consistent.