15 Example Letters to Your Husband (With Expert Tips)

15 Example Letters to a Husband Who Hurt You

Telling Him You’re UnhappyDear [Name],I am writing to share the deep sadness I have been feeling since [specific incident or behavior]. Your actions have left me heartbroken and overwhelmed with sorrow. This is not the kind of marriage I envisioned or desired. I had hoped for a partnership filled with love and support, but instead, I am struggling with the pain of [the specific impact of their actions]. The sadness I feel is profound, and I want you to understand the emotional weight this has carried for me. I hope we can find a way to address this and heal.Sincerely,[Your Name] It’s always helping to “end with something positive, like ‘one thing that I love about our relationship is we're always so supportive of each other. So I'm happy to be here while you try to make these changes. I know it's not easy,’” recommends Miller, LCSW, MSW. Meet the wikiHow Experts Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW, is a psychotherapist specializing in individual and couples therapy. Allen Wagner, MFT, MA, is a licensed relationship therapist working with both individuals and couples for 20 years. Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD, is a licensed clinical psychologist in the fields of health education and psychology. Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC, is a relationship therapist who focuses on practical and solution-focused intervention strategies. Jason Polk, LCSW, LAC, is a relationship counselor with over 12 years of experience as a therapist.

Offering ForgivenessDear [Name],I’ve been reflecting on the pain I’ve felt due to [specific incident or behavior], and it’s been a journey to process these emotions. While I acknowledge the hurt, I am choosing to offer forgiveness. I believe in our ability to heal and move forward. Forgiveness is not about forgetting but about freeing ourselves from the weight of resentment. I hope we can discuss this further, rebuild trust, and work together towards a healthier relationship. Let’s take this opportunity to understand each other better and grow from this experience.Sincerely,[Your Name] When it comes to forgiving someone who betrays you, it’s important to remember that “forgiveness is a process, not an event—it's something that you both are going to be working toward,” says Miller.

Expressing Angry FeelingsDear [Name],I am writing this letter to express the immense anger and frustration I feel about [specific incident]. Your actions have left me hurt and betrayed, and I can't ignore the impact it has had on our relationship. [Describe the incident in detail]. I trusted you, and what you did has broken that trust. I need you to understand how deeply your actions have affected me. This letter is my way of venting my anger and making you aware of the pain you’ve caused. I hope you take this seriously and reflect on the consequences of your behavior.Sincerely,[Your Name] Miller recommends "gaining more self-esteem by validating yourself.” Doing so can help you “feel good again" both as an individual and in a relationship.

After a FightDear [Name],The tension between us lately has been really challenging, and it feels like we’re stuck in a cycle of misunderstandings. Our last fight made me feel really sad inside, and I want us to find a resolution more than anything because, deep down, I know how much we love and value each other. Let’s sit down and really talk things through about what was said (and not said). I am committed to understanding your point of view about [specific issue from argument]. and finding common ground on [differences]. We’ve overcome so much together, and I believe we can get through this, too.Forever yours,[Name] Miller stresses that “people turn off completely when they feel criticized.” After a fight, “focus on how you’re feeling in that moment without blame; your partner's more likely to understand what you're saying.”

During Difficult TimesDear [Name], You’ve always had a way of knowing when I need a hug, and I love that about you. Now that we’re going through this together, I’m gonna need more of those than ever. I trust that, whatever happens, we will find a way together to work through it. And I hope you know I’m ready to do my part. Let’s talk about what we each need, and I’m committed to helping you get your needs met. This situation has been so painful for both of us, but I hope you won’t withdraw. As we work this out (and I know we can), please keep me at your side instead of leaving me behind. You have my trust and my whole heart.Love,[Name] Relationship therapist Allen Wagner, MFT, MA believes that "rebuilding trust and transparency” are important elements to healing a rift in a marriage or relationship. If you can trust each other, you can support each other by remaining committed to working it out.

Discussing His NeglectDear [Name],It’s not easy to write a letter about this, especially when I’m not sure whether writing this letter will lead to anything I want. But you need to know that I’ve been feeling not only taken for granted but even unwanted by you. I remember the way you used to look at me, and that look isn’t there anymore. What I see more often now is boredom, distraction, condescension, or annoyance. I don’t remember the last time you looked genuinely happy to see me. I know you’re busy with work and with everything else on your plate. But if you’ve fallen out of love with me or grown tired of me, please just tell me—with as much kindness as honesty. I won’t break. So, talk to me, please. Let me know where we stand.Love,[Name] When your husband’s attention is lacking, express “how you can feel more secure in this relationship. You may want to say to your partner, ‘Hey, I'm feeling a little insecure,’ so he knows where you’re coming from,” says Miller.

Seeking ClarityDear [Name],I hope this letter finds you well. I’ve been looking into our recent issues, and I’m seeking to understand your perspective better. I know there are reasons behind your actions, and I want to hear your side of the story. Communication is crucial for us to move forward, and I believe that discussing how we both feel could help us bridge the gap. Please share your thoughts and feelings with me so we can work through this together. Your honesty and openness will mean a lot to me as we navigate this challenging time.Sincerely,[Name] Communication is the key to finding clarity with your husband. Relationship therapist Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC, emphasizes that “healthy communication that helps you assert yourself is critical."

Needing SpaceDear [Name],I love you and value our relationship deeply, but right now I need some space to process my own thoughts and feelings. I'm feeling overwhelmed and need some time alone—this isn't a reflection on you or our marriage. Our recent relationship issues have left me feeling drained lately, and I need some time to recharge. Please understand why I’m taking this time. I promise I'll be in touch soon.With love,[Name] Relationship counselor Jason Polk, LCSW, LAC, believes it’s important to “have some space, so you can reach a mental place where you're responding and not reacting out of anger."

Feeling BetrayedDear [Name],I never imagined I would be writing this letter, but here I am, grappling with the pain of your betrayal. I am deeply hurt and betrayed after discovering that you [insert specific betrayal or deceit]. This has shattered my trust and left me questioning everything about our relationship. I feel hurt, angry, and deeply disappointed. The love and commitment I believed we shared now feel like a lie. I need you to understand the immense pain your actions have caused. I hope we can find a way to address this and see if our relationship can be salvaged, but for now, I need time to heal.Sincerely,[Name] Miller notes that “you can’t expect to immediately trust your spouse” or forgive them for making you feel traumatized. “Actions speak louder than words.” Ask yourself, “Is he following up on what he is saying? Is he reliable? Is he communicating more effectively?"

Wanting OpennessDear [Name],I’ve noticed some changes in our marriage and would like to talk to you about them. Our regular check-in talks with each other have become far less frequent, and I’d like to reverse that trend and spend more time connecting with you. I’ve been grateful for the connection we have, and I want us to spend time each week not only keeping it alive but making it stronger. I believe that’s possible because the foundation is still there. I know we disagree on some things, but at our core, we make a phenomenal team. I know life can get in the way sometimes, but this is me pushing back. I want to spend more time with you because you’re still my favorite person. Please let me know what day and time works for you for an hour of talking (and whatever that might lead to).With care,[Name] Openness comes most of all by “communicating your needs” and noting what situations leave you feeling “overwhelmed,” notes Miller.

Feeling Taken for GrantedDear [Name],I am writing this letter to express how deeply hurt I am by the emotional and physical neglect I have felt in our relationship. When you [insert specific action], it made me feel [insert emotion]. The lack of attention and affection has left me feeling isolated and unimportant. I need you to understand how much this has affected me and our relationship. I hope we can address these issues and work towards rebuilding the connection that once brought us so much joy. Your attention and effort are crucial to healing this rift.Sincerely,[Name] Wagner suggests "giving their partner examples of why they are not what they said they were.” Once he knows where he’s left you feeling unimportant, he can take steps to change his behavior.

Rebuilding TrustDear [Name],I'm writing this because I need to express how much your actions have hurt me and shattered the trust I had in you. I am incredibly sad about the pain this has caused and the loss of the innocent love and trust I felt before. Despite the immense pain, I believe in the love we've shared, and I'm willing to try to rebuild what we've lost. I need to know that you are fully committed to being open and honest as I navigate these difficult feelings. Please show me through your actions that you are ready to do the work to earn back my trust. With honesty and a willingness to change, we can find a way to heal and build a stronger connection.With all my love,[Name] Part of rebuilding trust means "knowing your own personal boundaries, and what feels right to you. Once you can establish that, communicate it to your partner,” states Miller.

Requesting Couples TherapyDear [Name],I don’t want every conversation we have about our marriage to turn into an argument. We need a skilled and patient referee to help us work through our challenges. I’ve done some digging and found someone I think we’ll both like, and she has an opening. We have a tentative appointment set, but I can change it if a different time would be more convenient. Please talk to me after you finish reading this letter so I can tell you the date and time, and you can tell me whether you can be there. If getting our marriage headed in a better direction is still something you want, I really hope you’ll be as ready to try this as I am. I love you.[Name] Following up your letter with a commitment to couples therapy is a way to focus on “having more communication.” It’s important to note that “you both have to set a plan for how you're going to do it,” recommends Wagner.

Goodbye Letter Before a DivorceDear [Name],I am writing to you with a heavy heart. After much reflection, I’ve realized that I am deeply unhappy because of [specific action or behavior]. Despite our efforts, I feel that nothing can mend the hurt caused by [another specific issue]. This realization has led me to the painful decision that I must move forward on my own. I need to find peace and healing away from this relationship, as continuing feels unproductive and detrimental to my well-being. I hope you understand that this decision is about finding closure and moving forward.Sincerely,[Name] A goodbye letter is an important step to take, “if trust is broken forever. Sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away,” recommends relationship psychologist Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD.

Hopeful for the FutureDear [Name],I'm writing this letter to you so I can tell you how I feel. You know I can sometimes stumble on my words when it comes to emotions, so I figured I'd give you something tangible to share how I've been feeling. I wanted to let you know how much I love and care about you. Although these past few months have been stressful, my love for you has never been stronger. I want to continue to work on our relationship together. I know we can make it through this moment together. You mean so much to me, and I'm so grateful for the beautiful life we've built together.I will always love you,[Name] At the end of your letter, plan on “engaging in face-to-face conversations. There is so much more meta-information that can be exchanged through face-to-face conversations, which can help facilitate more understanding and empathy for one another, especially when sharing potentially triggering information,” notes licensed marriage and family therapist Jin S. Kim, MA.

Useful Phrases to Use

Use phrases that are honest, direct, and sincere. Try to avoid accusatory and triggering language, but don’t sugarcoat how you feel. Emphasize how your husband’s behavior made you feel without simply blaming him. Try to understand where he’s coming from, and commit to work through it (if you plan on doing so). I'm feeling hurt and angry, and I need some space to process this. I need to talk about what happened, but I need you to listen to understand my pain. This is difficult for me, and I need to take some time to process my emotions. I need you to understand how much this hurts me, and I need us to find a way forward. I need to feel like I can trust you again. Can we talk about how to make that happen? It’s difficult to understand why you’d choose to hurt me instead of being honest with me. When you [specific action], it made me feel [emotion]. I value our relationship and want to address this. The way you handled [specific situation] hurt me deeply, and it’s something I can’t ignore. I've been feeling really down lately, and I think it's because of something that happened between us. Can we talk about it? I need to be honest with you about how much your behavior during [specific event] hurt me. I've been replaying our conversation in my head, and I can't shake this feeling of hurt. I'd love to gain a better understanding of your perspective. I'm not trying to blame you, but I need you to understand how your actions impacted me. I've been reflecting on what happened, and I realized I need to express how deeply it affected me. I’ve noticed you’ve been distant lately. It hurts to feel ignored by someone I care about. It’s difficult to move forward when I’m still hurting from what happened. I've been replaying our conversation in my head, and I can't shake this feeling of hurt. Can we revisit it? I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but I need you to understand the impact of your actions. I thought we were a team. Your choices make me feel like I'm fighting this battle alone. You’ve made it hard for me to trust, and that’s a heavy burden to carry. I respect myself too much to stay silent. What you did hurt me, and we need to talk about it.

How to Write a Letter to a Husband Who Hurt You

Aim for a gentle tone. “A gentler approach” is usually more successful, because your husband “is going to be much more receptive when he’s not on the defensive,” suggests Miller. Revisiting what your goal is before you begin can be a good way to keep your tone gentle throughout. Consider the impact or outcome your letter will have. Before writing, think about “how will it be received by my partner? Have some space, so you're responding and not reacting out of anger,” according to Polk. Your letter should be as long as you need it to be to get your message across. That being said, avoid letters over a few pages long at most to encourage an open dialogue and not overwhelm him.

Be specific about how his actions hurt you. Mention the exact behavior, lack of behavior, or disagreement that made you feel bad. It may include something he said in an argument, a moment when he let you down, or a time when you felt betrayed. Once he truly understands what caused your discontent, he’ll be better equipped to make a change. When you didn’t show up to my concert the other day as promised, it made me feel like I didn’t matter to you. By attacking the way my parents raised me when we argued, it showed me that you have anger you’re keeping inside. Be honest but not overly aggressive. If he’s on the defensive, he won’t be as open to making things better for both of you.

Express your feelings using "I" statements. Using statements beginning with I “makes it about your experience, rather than telling your partner they need to fix things,” believes marriage and relationships expert Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC. It makes it easier for him to take responsibility for something he’s done when he knows you’re not attacking him, but expressing your hurt feelings instead. I sometimes feel like I’m in our relationship alone when you disconnect from me. I’m often not sure of your love when you choose to stay silent or work so much. While keeping the emphasis on yourself, you can also share how you wished he had acted instead. Without being condescending, offer him a few suggestions as to ways he could have acted/behaved/responded, etc., which would have felt more positive for you.

Include happy memories (optional). If you’re feeling positive about the future and want to show him that you believe in the relationship, mention some joyful times you spent together in the hopes that you both can feel that way again. It can offer him a sense of happiness that he can work towards in your relationship. I know we can be as happy as we were on our wedding day if we work together to never let each other go it alone. I’m willing to put in the work to see you smile as much as you did on our honeymoon. This step isn’t necessary if you’re dealing with serious betrayal or are considering ending things.

Close with positive, practical steps for healing. Unless you’ve decided to separate or divorce, end your letter with forgiving, encouraging words about your future. Show him you’re willing to do what it takes to heal from his hurtful words or actions, whether it means confronting him, marriage counseling, or spending time apart. Include details on ideas that could help resolve the issue you’re facing as a couple. Let’s sit down regularly to check in with how each other is feeling. We're a team, and we'll get through this together. We can both do our part when it comes to not taking each other for granted. You inspire me, and I know you can get through this. Maintaining a hopeful outlook depends on the situation. If you know it’s over, don’t lead him on in the hopes that he’ll change when you’ve resigned yourself to moving on.

Send your letter when your emotions have calmed down. The timing for sending a letter to your husband who hurt you all depends on where you’re both at. If you just had a big fight, give yourself time to calm down and not say anything out of anger or resentment. When you’re both not distracted and ready to focus on your relationship, it's the best time to express your feelings in a letter (and, eventually, in person). If you feel emotional, upset, and can’t see a way forward, give it time until you have enough clarity to communicate with him in the right way.

Why It’s Important to Write a Letter to a Husband Who Hurt You

A letter allows you to express your thoughts and feelings clearly. A letter can convey everything you might be too emotional to say during tough times in your marriage. This is especially true if you carefully consider everything you’re saying and think of your letter as a safe space where you can express your feelings.

Writing a letter can encourage clear communication. No matter what issues you’re working through, a letter is a powerful first step to being open with each other. It shows respect for your husband and promotes a healthy bond that is honest and sincere. Even if you’re focused on how he hurt you, it can show him how much you cherish your relationship and want to help it flourish.