Pick the right time and place.
A bar or a club is a good place to flirt, but the gym might not be. Take stock of your situation: are you in a setting where most people assume they’re going to be approached? Or does the girl you’re interested in just want to be left alone? If you’re pretty sure she wouldn’t mind you coming over to talk, then go for it! Some places are gray areas, like a coffee shop or the grocery store. A good rule of thumb is to look at her body language: if her gaze is down, her arms crossed, or she has headphones on, she probably doesn’t want to talk to anyone. Always approach women in a public place, not somewhere secluded. A crowded coffee shop is fine, but an abandoned stairwell isn’t. That said, you shouldn't limit your opportunities. Give yourself permission to be open every day of your life and you'll end up meeting lots of interesting people.
Smile and make eye contact with her.
Smiling makes you look kind, approachable, and (best of all), not creepy. When you two do make eye contact, hold her gaze, and give her a warm smile. This shows that your intentions are good, and she might even take it as an invitation to approach you. You can do this once or twice as you work up the courage to go over and chat with her. The key here is to hold her gaze instead of glancing away quickly. If she catches you looking at her and you immediately look away, it can feel like you were being creepy instead of trying to flirt. However, you don’t want to hold her gaze for too long—staring or gawking might make her uncomfortable. Stick to a couple of seconds of eye contact to find the perfect balance. Give the girl space so she doesn't feel trapped by you.
Stay calm, and try not to twitch or fidget.
Flirting can be nerve-wracking, so take a few deep breaths before you head over. If you start sweating or fidget nervously, it might make the girl you’re talking to a little uncomfortable. Do your best to remain calm, cool, and collected, even if you have to fake it. The worst that could happen is that she’s not interested, and that’s okay! It’s better to try it out than regret talking to a girl you’re interested in.
Put your shoulders back and keep your head held high.
Open body language makes you look more approachable (and therefore less creepy). When you’re talking to a girl, keep your arms down by your sides, and angle your body toward her. You’ll look more inviting, which will probably lead to a more fun conversation. Another thing to keep in mind is the surrounding area, too. You never want to “trap” a girl when you’re talking to her—for instance, don’t back her into a corner or up against a wall. You want her to feel like she can leave at any time if she wants to.
Start with an open-ended question.
Ditch the cheesy pickup lines and go for something sincere. Pickup lines can be off-putting, and they might make a girl feel like you’re after something strictly sexual. Instead, approach her with a question about something, either about her or in your surroundings. You could ask something like: “That coffee looks delicious. What are you drinking?” “Hi, I’m David. What’s your name?” “I noticed you from across the room, and I just had to come and say hello. What brings you to the area?”
Watch for open body language to see if she likes you.
She’ll probably keep her arms uncrossed and her gaze upwards. She might smile, laugh, and give you longer answers, and maybe even ask you some questions in return. These are all great signs, and it means that she doesn’t feel uncomfortable or threatened by you. On the flip side, if she’s not enjoying the conversation, she might cross her arms, look down, or give you short, one-word answers.
Compliment her, but not about her body.
Tell her you like her laugh or even her outfit. Simple compliments like these will let her know you’re interested, but they won’t make her feel uncomfortable. You might also tell her that her hair looks nice or that she has a great sense of humor. Try something like: “Your smile is so beautiful! It lights up your whole face.” “I love your outfit! You have a great sense of style.” “You are so funny. You’ve made me laugh more in the past 5 minutes than I have in the last month.”
Ask questions about her life and interests.
This will help her feel more comfortable and at ease. It’s fine to talk a little bit about yourself, but focus on getting to know her, too. You don’t have to interview her (since that can feel a little too intense), but a couple of questions about where she’s from or what she does is fine. Try asking things like: “How long have you been in the area?” “What do you do for work?” “Do you come to this place often?”
Wrap up the conversation if she looks uncomfortable.
Not everyone will be open to chatting with you, and that’s okay. If the girl you’re talking to doesn’t really seem that interested, thank her for her time, then move on. Don’t take it personally—it’s most likely not about you! You could say something like, “It was really nice talking to you, but I’ve gotta get going.”
Touch her on the hand or arm.
Keep your touches light and short so she doesn’t get uncomfortable. If you two have been having a fun conversation so far, feel free to gently touch her on the hand or on the forearm. Don’t go any higher than that, and definitely don’t try to grab her waist or anywhere on her torso. A little light touch shows her that you’re interested, but by keeping it on the hand or the arm, you can stay respectful, too. A good way to do this is to touch her on the hand while you’re laughing at a joke she told. Lightly pat her hand while saying something like, “You’re so funny!” If she pulls away or flinches at your touch, don’t push it. Many people don’t like being touched, especially by people they don’t know well.
Ask if she’d like to see you again.
Tell her how much fun you’ve had, then see if she’d like to meet up sometime. Don’t suggest a time or a place just yet—simply throw out the idea of getting coffee or drinks later in the week, then see what she says. If she’s up for it, that’s awesome! And if not, she won’t feel pressured to say yes. Try something like: “You seem like a really cool person. Would you want to grab some coffee this weekend with me?” “I really enjoyed talking to you. I’d love to see you again, if you’re up for it.”
Give her your number instead of asking for hers.
That way, the ball is in her court. Instead of asking for her digits, freely offer up yours so she can contact you at any point. After that, you two can go your separate ways, and she’ll text you if she wants to. Say something like: “Here, I’ll give you my number in case you want to text me.” “If you want, I could give you my number? Then you can hit me up when you want to hang out.”
Send a text telling her you enjoyed your conversation.
You can assure her that you’re nice and normal by staying respectful over text. Always keep your texts G-rated, and don’t say anything to her that you wouldn’t say in real life. You can make your intentions clear by saying something like: “I really liked talking to you the other day. I’d love to meet up and take you out on a proper date.” “You made me laugh so hard when we chatted yesterday. I’m glad you texted me.”
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