Approaching a Girl
Know when to approach. One of the most important parts of picking up a girl is knowing when to make a move. If the girl is giving you signals, like making eye contact, looking at you and smiling and then looking away, or standing with a group of friends looking out into the crowd, then it's pretty safe to assume you'd be welcome when you say hello. Though you can't wait around forever for the most perfect situation, you should choose your timing carefully to improve your chances. Here are some things to consider before you approach: Read her body language. Is she turned toward the crowd and looking around her instead of deeply involved with her friends? If so, then this is a sign that she'd welcome an approach. See if she looks bored with her company. If she checks her phone a lot, plays with her hair, or rifles through her purse a lot, then this may be a sign that she'd be open to meeting new people. Make sure the girl isn't having a deep, serious-seeming conversation with her friends. If they are leaning in towards each other, talking intensely, and if one of them even looks like she's on the brink of tears, then tonight's not your night. You don't want to interrupt an important girl catch-up session.
Impress her with your confidence. Women are drawn to confident men, and if you want to pick up a girl, then you have to let her see that you're comfortable with who you are. While it can take time to truly build your confidence, there's no harm in faking it when you approach a girl so you'll be closer to feeling that inner peace from projecting outward confidence. Here are some ways to get the girl with your confidence right away: Let her see that you're not afraid. Make eye contact as you approach her and smile at her. Don't be bashful and look at the floor. Show confidence in your body language. Turn your body toward her, stand tall, and avoid slouching or looking down. Don't put yourself down immediately. If you make comments like, “You probably don't want to talk to a guy like me…” then you'll be discouraging her from wanting to talk to you. Part of confidence is looking the part. Wear well-fitting clothes that are clean, crisp, and appropriate for the occasion. Most importantly, wear clothing that looks nice while making you feel comfortable, so you don't look visibly uncomfortable.
Have a solid opening. If you want the girl to take you seriously and even to consider going on a date with you, then you need to choose your words carefully. Some people say that girls make a decision about whether or not they like you in the first fifteen minutes, so you can't waste too much time making small talk instead of charming her with your words and manner. Here are some things to keep in mind: Avoid cheesy pick-up lines. No matter what you read online or what you hear from your friends, they rarely work. What's more, they'll make the girl think you only see her as a conquest, not as a person you want to get to know. Introduce yourself and ask the girl her name. Nothing fancy. Just say, “Hey, I'm Chris—what's your name?” Keep it short and simple. Be forward. Don't be timid when you come up to her. Make it clear that you want to talk to her, and don't act like you think you might be inconveniencing or bothering her. If that's the case, then you'll know soon enough, anyway.
Flirt a little bit. Once you start talking to the girl, it's time to get your flirt on as soon as you can without laying it on too thick. Make eye contact, lean your body toward her, and show her that you're interested in her. You can even tease her a little bit, as long as you don't end up offending her by taking it too far. Just keep up a light, jokey, playful banter, and make sure she's responding well. Flirting is important if you want to get her attention. Say something like, “Do you always wear pink because it looks so good on you?” Make a comment about her clothes or something she's wearing to show you're interested without being too serious about it. Give her a small compliment. Tell her you like the way she styles her hair, or something else that's harmless to show you're paying attention. Don't avoid saying something nice to her because you think she's heard it all before. Just because you're sure every other guy she knows has mentioned her gorgeous eyes doesn't mean you have to ignore them.
Show interest in only her, not her friends. Though you may think that you raise your chances of picking up a girl if you flirt your way into a crowd of girls and see who bites, you're actually far better off focusing your energy on just one girl at a time. If you make it seem like you'd just be as happy hitting on her friends as you are with talking to the girl, then she'll see you as a player and will quickly lose interest. Instead, you need to make it clear that she's the one for you. No girl wants to feel like a piece of meat. She wants to feel like you think she's special, not like she's just one of a number of girls you want to hit on. Plus, if you start hitting on her friends as well as her, then they'll discourage the girl from liking you because they'll see that you're a player, too.
Approach her in places other than bars or nightclubs. If you want to raise your chances of picking up a girl, then you have to think outside the box a bit. Sure, a lot of guys like to pick up girls at bars and nightclubs, but you may actually be able to pick up a girl more easily at a coffee shop, farmer's market, mall, or even the gym, because she'll be less likely to expect it and her guard may be down. Don't think that you can only look for girls in the most obvious places and always be on the lookout for cute girls who spark your interest. If you're at a coffee shop, see if you can strike up a conversation with a girl about a book she's reading. She'll be impressed that you're suave and smart. If you're at the farmer's market or even a grocery store, don't be afraid to strike up a silly conversation about produce or by asking the girl what she plans to do with that bunch of kale. If you're at the gym, make eye contact with a girl when you're working out and come up to her later, when she's wrapping up her workout, so you don't catch her off guard too much.
Having a Great Conversation
Ask her questions. If you want the girl to be into you, then you have to show that you actually want to get to know her. You don't need to give her the first degree, but you should at least ask her a few questions about her interests and who she is so she feels like you're making an effort. Make sure you open up about yourself, too, so you create a fair balance. When it comes to picking up a girl, it's much more important to be interested in her, than to be interesting yourself. Here are some things you can ask her about: Her hobbies Her pets Her friends The town where she grew up Her favorite bands, movies, or actors
Find common ground. You don't have to have everything in common with the girl you're trying to pick up, but finding something you can bond over certainly won't hurt. This can be your love for the Warriors, your obsession with the show Community, or even the fact that you happened to go to the same college three years apart. You can even find something much more silly to have in common, such as your dislike of the bartender, or your love for the color black. Once you find your thing, make a real human connection with the girl over it. If you find that you don't have any sports teams, shows, or musical interests in common, then you can tease her about her taste a bit, but only if she teases you, too.
Show that you think she's special. Let her know that she really stands out to you. Compliment her eyes or her clothes, tell her why you think she's unique, and let her see that you're not just smooth talking her. Make her get the feeling that you genuinely care and that you're not just there to get any girl to go home with you. Lean closer to her, tell her she has the greatest laugh you've ever heard, and just make an effort to show that she really does stand out to you. No girl wants to be looked at as a piece of meat. Make her see that you see her for her, and that she's not just any other girl. If she's really different in some way — in a good way — then let her know. Tell her something like, “I've never met anyone who knows so much about indie rock.”
Don't come on too strong. While you want her to see that you're pursuing her, you don't want to creep her out, either. Let her know you like her without telling her you want to get married, and ask her questions without talking about how many people she's kissed in her life. Make her see that you're a fun, cool, and casual guy and that you're not putting too much pressure on yourself over this. The harder you try, the more put off she'll be. Don't be jealous about other guys. If you see other guys checking her out or saw her talking to another guy in her circle, don't start asking a million questions about who they are or how she knows them. Just play it cool instead of coming off as insecure. Try to avoid questioning her feelings about you, or making it look like you're too desperate to please her.
Don't take yourself so seriously. Remember to keep things light and fun. There's no need to be nervous or to worry about what she's thinking of you every two seconds. Just think of it as having a fun conversation that can lead to something more. If you're too worried about how she's responding to you, then she'll be able to tell and it may lead to some awkwardness down the line. Instead, just be casual, stick to light topics, and don't be too intense about the whole thing. Remember that the girl is out to have a good time, too. If you put too much pressure on yourself to have this amazing connection right away, that will actually make it less likely that it will happen.
Don't flaunt your wealth. You may think that a girl at a bar will want to hear all about how much money you have, but you should actually avoid this topic of conversation if you want to get anywhere. Girls want to be impressed by who you are, not what's in your bank account, and if you make too much of a big deal about paying for things or talking about your sports car, then they'll be turned off before you know it. Even worse than flaunting your wealth is lying about your wealth. If you want to get anywhere with a girl, then don't bother with this.
Getting Her Number
Break the touch barrier. Once you and the girl start hitting it off, don't be afraid of a little casual flirting and touching. Just lean closer to her and place a hand on her arm or her shoulder and see how she reacts. If she flinches or moves away, then you should probably back off. But if she moves closer to you or even touches you back, then this is a sign that she wants you to break the touch barrier. You can also give her a playful tap on the arm when you're teasing each other, so it looks like you're just kidding around. You can be bold and compliment her earring or bracelet while reaching out to touch it as an excuse to get closer to her. If you're sitting down, move a bit closer so that your knees, thighs or feet are touching.
Ask at the right time. You should ask the girl out when things are at their peak. When you're laughing, having an amazing time, and when she's clearly enjoying the conversation, you should say something like, “I'd love to keep having this conversation about Radiohead, but I've gotta get going. Can we pick it up again over dinner or drinks soon?” Make it sound casual, so she doesn't get caught off guard. If things are going well, then she will be more likely to say yes. If you wait too long to ask her out and the conversation has gotten boring, then she'll be less likely to talk to you. If you're already running out of things to talk about, then why would she want more of that another day?
Ask for her number. Just casually ask for her phone number. Simply say, “Hey, can I call you some time?” Or, “I'd love to meet up again. Can I have your number?” Don't make a big deal of it or tell her that you think she's the perfect girl for you. Just ask for her number, plain and simple, and let her see that you weren't too worked up over asking. Remind yourself that the worst thing that can happen is that she will say no, which really isn't such a big deal, in the scheme of things. Don't ask if you can contact her on social media as a first resort. Though you may think its more low pressure to say, “Hey, can I Facebook you some time?” this actually comes off as not being as serious. If you really want to pick up the girl, then get her number.
Ask her to hang out more. If you want to see if the girl will go home with you that night, then you really want to be suave about it. You can go for the, “Hey, let's get out of here,” approach, or you can be a bit more gentlemanly and ask her if you can go to the wine bar across the street or another public place to talk at first. You can even say, “I just like talking to you so much, but I want to go somewhere more private. What do you say?” Let her see that you really want to spend more time with her, and that you're interested in more than just getting laid. Hey, if you really are just wanting to have a roll in the hay, there's nothing wrong with that, but you shouldn't make the girl think that you want something more if that's the case.
Know when you're not welcome. Learn to read the signs that tell you to abandon ship. If the girl is looking away, staring at the floor, repeatedly checking her phone, or waiting for her friends to save her, then things are probably not going well. If she barely responds to you and keeps stepping away subtly, then you shouldn't try to pick her up. Maybe she has a boyfriend or she's just not feeling it. Whatever the reason, it's best to back away while you're ahead. Read her body language to see if she's into you. If she keeps turning her body away from you, crossing her arms over her chest, or moving back slightly if you touch her, then she's probably not feeling it. It's okay to admit when you're not wanted. Maybe the girl just wanted some time with her friends. Don't let it get to you and focus your energy on the next girl who strikes your fancy.
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