How to Insult Your Ex Boyfriend: Clever Phrases & Comebacks

Insulting Him

Say “I hear you talking, but I’m not listening” to get the final word. At this point, you no longer care what he thinks. Everything he says now sounds like “blah, blah, blah.” Put the cherry on top of your insult by rolling your eyes and walking away. To get the full effect, don’t respond to anything he says. You don’t care what he thinks, anyway.

Tell him “I wish we broke up sooner” so he knows you're moving on. It doesn’t matter if you’re secretly upset over the breakup. Being angry at your ex can actually be empowering after a breakup. You totally deserve better. You could also say, “I can’t believe I stayed with you for so long," “I wish we’d never met," or "My life is so much better without you."

State “You showed me what I don’t want in a boyfriend” if he hurt you. Chances are, he did things you didn’t like sometimes, and hopefully your next boyfriend will be better. Focusing on your ex’s bad qualities can actually help you move on faster. Keep your criticisms to yourself so that you can take the high road in the breakup. Let him wonder what he did wrong.

Tell him “I’d rather be alone than be with you” if he's already moved on. It might hurt to see your ex flirting with other people, and he may even be trying to rub it in your face. But seriously, you can do way better than a jerk like him. Spend more time with your friends right now so they can remind you how awesome you are.

Say “I’ve been called worse—your girlfriend” if he insults you. It’s not okay for your ex to say mean things about you, and it’s understandable that you want to retaliate with insults of your own. Sometimes, the best retort is the simplest one. The cleverest way to insult him is to say that whatever he called you isn’t nearly as bad as you being called his girlfriend. This is your mic drop moment, so strut away with confidence after you drop this truth bomb. You could also say, “You don't like me because you have bad taste.”

State “I’ve already moved on—you should try it” if he's gossiping. He probably isn’t over you if he’s still rehashing your breakup, talking badly about you, or trying to slide back into your DMs. That’s because constantly thinking about you can prevent him from moving on. So, call him out. Hopefully, this will make him back off so you can finally forget him.

Dealing with the Urge to Insult Your Ex

Imagine yourself delivering the perfect insult—and the aftermath. Fantasizing about revenge may help you feel loads better. Picture yourself telling off your ex and consider how empowered you might feel in the moment. Then, think about the fallout, such as mutual friends taking sides. If you actually insult him, you might get in trouble at school. Additionally, your friends could unfortunately feel sorry for him and take his side. In most cases, you’ll feel much better if you just imagine yourself getting back at your ex.

Relax with a calming activity. Your emotions are probably really intense right now, which is totally normal. Try relieving stress to help you feel a bit better. Here are some ways you can relax: Listen to soothing music. Take a warm bath. Take slow, deep breaths. Do yoga. Meditate. Color in a coloring book.

Stay off his social media so you aren’t thinking about him. You might be tempted to check your ex’s social media profiles to see what he’s up to right now. However, this is a recipe for disaster. Chances are, seeing his photos will just make you feel bad. Unfollow him so you won’t see his posts.

Express your emotions so you can process them. After a breakup, letting yourself feel your emotions will help you move on faster. Try talking to a trusted friend about how you feel. If you don’t want to talk, writing about your feelings is a great way to get them out. You might journal about how you feel. It might take a while for your feelings to fade, but you will feel better. Try to remember that pain and anger from a breakup are both normal and temporary.

Tell your ex how much he hurt you if you think it will help. In some cases, confronting your ex can help you get closure. Invite him to talk one-on-one or give him a call if you need to get things off your chest. Use “I” statements to express your feelings so your ex doesn’t feel like you’re attacking him. He'll be a lot more receptive to what you have to say. Say something like, “I feel like you betrayed my trust, and I’m really hurt,” or “My heart is broken, and I feel like you didn’t really care about me.” If you don’t want to talk to him, you could try texting or messaging him. As another option, write a letter to your ex but destroy it instead of sending it.

Showing Him You’re Over Him

Stop talking about him unless you’re venting to a trusted friend. When you talk about your ex, it keeps your breakup on your mind. Plus, it might make him think you’re still hung up on him. Try not to talk about your ex at school. Additionally, don’t say anything about him to mutual friends, if possible. You want him to think you’ve completely moved on and aren’t even thinking about him anymore. It’s okay to vent to a close friend or family member if you need to talk about what happened.

Dress to impress so you feel confident. Show your ex what he’s missing by putting together your best looks. Wear your favorite outfits and style your hair so you look fantastic. If you wear makeup, watch a few tutorials and try out some new looks. You’ll be able to confidently stroll down the hallways at school knowing you look amazing. You might even treat yourself to a post-break up hair makeover or a new outfit.

Have fun with your friends. Spending time with friends after a breakup will help you feel better. Plus, it shows your ex that you aren’t sitting at home pining over him. Fill up your planner with exciting activities to keep you occupied. You might try: Hosting a game night. Having a movie night. Playing mini golf. Going bowling. Going shopping. Having a spa night. Doing a scavenger hunt. Attending a school event. Going to the beach or a park. Starting a book club.

Post about all the awesome things you’re doing. Your ex might still be checking your social media. Make sure he finds a slew of fun pics that make it clear you’ve moved on. Take photos to show you’re busy enjoying your life to show you’re totally over him. You might post photos like these: Cookies you’ve baked. You playing with your pet. You hanging with your friends. A painting or craft you did. A hot bath with a bath bomb or bath salts. A school activity. A mug of cocoa and a book you’re reading.

Try a new hobby, interest, or activity. After a breakup, new experiences can help you feel better. Make a list of things you’d like to try. Then, start with something easy. You might even invite your friends along on activities you don’t want to do solo. You could try: A new restaurant. Taking a class. Learning a new hobby. Playing a new game on your phone or gaming system. Learning a language. Visiting a local museum. Hosting a themed party with your friends.

Flirt with another guy in front of him to show him you’ve moved on. Seeing you with someone else will show your ex that you aren’t interested in him anymore. Start by making eye contact and smiling. If the guy smiles back, give him a compliment or start a conversation about a common interest. You might even touch his arm if he seems comfortable with you. It’s best to only flirt with people you like. You don’t want to accidentally hurt someone’s feelings by making them think you’re interested in them if you’re not.