How to Ignore Jealous Classmates

Keeping Your Distance

Change your routes. Take a different path to class. This may mean a different hallway or a back staircase in a larger school. If you go to a small school, see if changing the order you visit your locker or the bathroom helps alter your course to class. Eat your lunch outside the cafeteria if your school allows it. Many schools offer smaller outside sitting areas or let students spend time in the library. Ask your favorite teacher for help in finding new hangouts in the building. Even if you’re quiet in class and feel like the teacher doesn’t notice you, he or she definitely does and will be happy to help you feel comfortable in school. Stay away from where they hang out. If you find yourself dealing with jealous classmates, avoid the areas where you know they hang out. While this may not be entirely possible, you can minimize your interactions with them by making a note of where they like to hang out.

Find a safe space. If you feel like the pressure of dealing with your jealous classmates is too much, find a place in the school where you can go calm down when you feel overwhelmed. Even if you can’t find a physical spot, form a relationship with one of the adults who work in your school so that he/she can help you get a break from your classmates when you need it. Having a place to recenter your mind will help you resume your daily schedule with a fresh perspective. Secure your spot by volunteering. Most schools allow students to help out if they’re interested. For example, you could ask to be an office aide or a teacher’s aide during his/her off period. This way you could have time away from your classmates as well as an opportunity to build a relationship with adults on campus who can help you. If you like to read a lot, you may be able to find a nook in the library. Check with the librarian if you feel nervous. You might say, “Hi, I’m feeling stressed and would like to calm down with a book. Can you recommend a good title and somewhere I can get started with my reading?” If you you’re a star athlete, you may be able to get permission from your coach to hide out in the locker room. You could always offer to help your coach in exchange for spending extra time in the gym or locker room. If you are in theater, offer to organize the costumes so that you can spend some quiet time in the dressing room.

Avoid oversharing. While it’s fun to talk about what’s going on in our lives, oversharing can open the door for jealousy because it can signal to others that you feel like you have something they don’t. Studies have shown that we are more likely to share stories and accomplishments that make us feel good about ourselves, which is a recipe for creating jealousy in those around us. Remember that you can share good news without oversharing. For example, tell your friends if you win the highly coveted part of Juliet in the school production of Romeo and Juliet, but refrain from adding that you’re also top of the class and just got a cell phone upgrade. When others share their good news, celebrate with them before turning the subject to yourself. If you immediately respond to someone else’s success with a comment about your own, then it sounds like you’re trying to one-up people.

Distract yourself. Even if you can’t entirely avoid your jealous classmates, you can block out their negativity. Plan mental escapes for yourself, such as reading a book, sketching in your notebook, listening to your favorite band on your phone, or flipping through a catalogue from your favorite store.

Address the issue if necessary. Perhaps people are jealous of you because of a misunderstanding or perhaps the problem lies in the way you act. If ignoring jealous classmates is not working, it may make sense to examine your behavior. Ask a trusted friend their impressions about your problem. They may be able to provide valuable feedback.

Reframing the Situation

Change your perspective. How you look at a situation affects how it makes you feel. When you feel like your classmates are jealous of you, it’s easy to let those thoughts weigh on your mind. By shifting the way you view the situation, you can change the way you react to it. When you start to feel like your classmates are jealous of you, challenge those beliefs and try to look at the situation from a different angle. Take on the view of a person outside the situation and think about how they might interpret your classmates’ behavior. For example, you could pretend that your friend is in your place and coming to you for advice. What would you tell him/her? Consider their jealousy as a compliment. While feeling singled out can feel hurtful, remind yourself that your classmates are seeing your positive qualities or achievements.

Remember that jealousy is more about them than it is about you. Because jealousy stems from insecurities, people who become jealous are reacting to feelings within themselves. If you feel like their jealousy is getting to you, remind yourself that you can’t change who they are, so worrying about the situation will only cause you more hurt. Don’t personalize someone else’s views of you. While it may feel like how your classmates think of you is important, what’s more important is what you think of you.

Focus on enjoying your friendships. If you spend too much time worrying about what others think of you, you risk spoiling your experiences. When you start to feel the weight of your classmates’ jealousy, shift your thoughts back to enjoying your time with friends. When you go on school-sponsored trips to compete in sports, arts, or academic events, plan to have fun with your friends during the times between competitions so that no matter who wins the top prize, you have a great trip. If your classmates still give you a hard time about bringing home the win, turn the conversation back to the fun activity you planned. If you have a class, club, or other situation that puts you in contact with your jealous classmates, ask a friend to be around for you to lean on for support, even if you’re just texting them. Knowing that you have a friend who wants the best for you can help you ignore those who are jealous.

Assume the best of your classmates. When you feel that your classmates are directing their jealousy toward you, believe the best of them. While you may feel that their comments, sideways glances, or cold interactions with you are because they are jealous, they may be experiencing another type of stress or may worry that you’re feeling negatively toward them. When you assume the best, you bring positivity to your relationships. Oftentimes, we get so focused on one way of thinking that we forget that we are not mind readers. You don’t know what someone else is thinking, so allow yourself to believe people are thinking positively of you. When in doubt, ask your classmates how they are doing. That way you will find out if something is bothering them. EXPERT TIP Alicia Oglesby Alicia Oglesby Professional School Counselor Alicia Oglesby is a Professional School Counselor and the Director of School and College Counseling at Bishop McNamara High School outside of Washington DC. With over ten years of experience in counseling, Alicia specializes in academic advising, social-emotional skills, and career counseling. Alicia holds a BS in Psychology from Howard University and a Master’s in Clinical Counseling and Applied Psychology from Chestnut Hill College. She also studied Race and Mental Health at Virginia Tech. Alicia holds Professional School Counseling Certifications in both Washington DC and Pennsylvania. She has created a college counseling program in its entirety and developed five programs focused on application workshops, parent information workshops, essay writing collaborative, peer-reviewed application activities, and financial aid literacy events. Alicia Oglesby Alicia Oglesby Professional School Counselor Be kind to jealous peers. If classmates seem jealous, sincerely remind them of their own wonderful gifts and talents so they remember that they shine bright too. Share the spotlight — it makes everyone feel better, including you.

Focusing On Your Goals

Remind yourself that you worked to get where you are. When others are jealous, it’s easy to start questioning yourself, but you worked for your accomplishments. Don’t allow their negativity to degrade your achievement. If you win an award or position at school, you may experience jealousy from friends as well as your other classmates. When this happens, remember what motivated you to go for your goal in the first place and all of the work it took to get there. Celebrate the effort that your opponents also put into working toward their goal because they may have put in the same amount of work that you did. Congratulate them for all that they did accomplish and encourage them to work alongside you moving forward.

Keep your eye on the prize. Since it’s easier to drag down others than it is to boost ourselves, jealous people often try to prevent you from achieving your goals so that they won’t feel bad about not meeting theirs. When this happens, take a step back and ask yourself what’s most important to you.

Surround yourself with friends who share your drive for success. While not everyone has the same goals, successful people share common traits, such as resiliency and persistence. Stay on track to continue your successes by forming friendships with other people who are goal-oriented. As a group, you can support each other. Start a support group at your school. Found a club to help you find other students who share your interests. Volunteer to mentor other students.

Make a vision board. Create a visual reminder of your goals to keep you on track, even when you feel like others are against you. Whenever you feel like your classmates are getting jealous, you can look at your board and remember why you’re working so hard. Take a photo of your vision board so that you can look at it when you’re not at home.

Empathizing With Your Classmates

Avoid bragging. Be proud of your accomplishments and speak highly of yourself, but don't brag. Sometimes it’s hard to tell when you’re bragging instead of showing confidence in yourself, but considering your motives for speaking can help. Ask yourself why you want to speak about an accomplishment of yours. Does it fit into the conversation? Did it just happen recently, so it’s all you want to talk about? Is your classmate interested in hearing about it? Answering yes to these questions means that your accomplishment is probably relevant to the situation. However, if you only want to talk about it because you feel insecure and want to make yourself feel better, then you may be bragging. Don’t boost yourself up by putting others down.

Compliment your classmates. Studies show that people who report higher levels of jealousy are more likely to be insecure, lack self-worth, and be afraid of losing their friends. If you tell your classmates what you like about them, then they are less likely to feel jealous of you. Congratulate your classmates when they win or receive a high grade. For example, compliment the students who finish the chemistry experiment first by saying, “Wow, you guys did a great job. Today’s lab was really tough!” Make a point to see something good in your classmates, and let them know that you recognize those good qualities. When someone wears a cute outfit or a new pair of shoes, say something like, “Oh, I saw those shoes in the store window! They’re so cute.”

Look for a common goal. Make a connection with your classmates and avoid jealousy is to find a common goal that you both share. This is especially important if you have to work together on a team or in a group because it’s hard to avoid someone’s jealous attitude if you have to spend time with them. If you are team captain, remind your jealous classmates that you are all there to win. If you are the star in the play, help your classmates focus on putting on a great performance by pointing out that you’re all needed to put on a great show. If you are working on a group project for a class, tell the other student that you’re happy to be working with them on your shared task and that you know that the two of you will create an awesome product. You could say, “Hey, I’m glad we get to be partners on this. I bet our project will get an ‘A’.” Strive to see the best in others so they can recognize their own value. This can help lessen any jealousy.

Offer to help them work on achieving something important to them. Even if they say no, you’ll feel better for having offered. Ask yourself why you would be jealous if your roles were reversed. Consider your classmate’s feelings. Are their goals and needs going unmet? Do you have something that they lack? Figuring out why the other person is jealous can help you figure out how to make the situation work for both of you.