How to Be Lovely

Getting Focused

Be thoughtful. A lovely person has a good heart, hands down. They're empathetic and aware of how other people are feeling and how they can help. Here are two things to get started on the one-way train to thoughtfulness: The next conversation you have, ask someone how they are. But when you say it, don't say it like you mean, "Hello." Look at them and say, "How are you?" And when they answer, listen. See if the conversation is any different than your usual conversations. Think of two things you could do right now that you've been putting off that might make people in your world smile. An email to that aunt you haven't spoken to in forever? Cleaning the dishes for your super busy roommate? And here's the kicker: Go do them!

Love yourself. The root of the word "lovely" is "love," after all! If you're caught up worrying how others perceive you and drowning in insecurities, it's pretty hard to come off as lovely. There's no room for gentle, understated grace and kindness if you think the world is out to get you. Yeah, this is a lot easier said than done. It's a process that can take years, and even then you'll have slip ups. But make it a point to make baby steps every day. Write a list of things you love about yourself. Wake up in the morning tell yourself you're beautiful. Spend ten minutes each day purposefully thinking positive thoughts. Do little things to make it seem more natural if it's an issue.

Be genuine. If you are not yourself, you cannot be lovely. You can be a lovely version of someone else, but you can't be a lovely you! And since "you" is good, why would you bother trying to be anything else? Being fake is just about as not lovely as it gets. Sometimes it's hard to know where we end and the person society tells us to be begins. Take a second to sit back and think about why you want to be lovely and what it means to you. Do you want to be lovely so people will like you? So men will be attracted to you? Hopefully the answer is no -- ideally, you should want to be lovely for yourself.

Be elegant. Go read the wikiHow article! Being elegant isn't something that can be summed up in a paragraph, but here are a few pointers: Keep your look natural and chic. Nude nail polish, a sophisticated hair-do, minimal make-up. Always be clean! There's no room for grunge in elegance. Opt for classic, timeless pieces. A nice sweater, dark jeans or skirt, boots, etc.

Keep the arrogance in check. Alright, yeah, you're pretty awesome. By the end of the article, you'll be leaking loveliness. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't be modest about it! In fact, being arrogant and being lovely are mutually exclusive; you cannot be one and the other. A girl who's lovely knows that everyone is on her level, that everyone has something she doesn't. If you're thoughtful and genuine, arrogance shouldn't be a problem. If you're unsure, think about your conversations. How often do you steer it back to you? Do you dominate them? How often do you feel like you're judging others? Just things to think about!

Get disciplined. A lovely person has her act together. She knows when she needs to work hard, she keeps her word, and she's organized. A lovely girl probably doesn't live in a pigsty, you know? What area of your life could use a little cleaning up? Take a look at your room -- could it use a little organization? Do you procrastinate? What's keeping you from getting your work done? Are you punctual and honest? Do you mean what you say and what you do?

Looking Lovely

Have good hygiene. Humans have a bad tendency of judging books by their covers. If something isn't pretty, it isn't good. That's obviously not how it works, but it's a natural go-to for most of us (it saves a lot of time and energy on thought). So save yourself the struggle and shower, brush your teeth, run a comb through your hair, and dress like you give half a ferret. The world will be a lot kinder to you and thus be more readily convinced of your innate loveliness! Choose a scent and stick to it. People will smell your loveliness from across the room. Mmm. Loveliness. If they wanted to capture it, they'd ask you to sweat into a bottle.

Put effort into your appearance. Psych! The first step was just to ease you in to the process. Showering is all well and good, but it's probably not enough. Being clean is very, very important, but being lovely has a certain "put together-ness" about it. So slap on some lip gloss, some eyeliner, and turn that ponytail into a neat bun. You don't have to dress to the nines (sometimes that's just inappropriate), but do have a look that says "I didn't play Russian roulette with my closet today." Spend five minutes picking out your outfit. Give yourself a glance to see if your pieces fit together. If someone were to see you, what's the first impression they would get?

Move with poise and grace. Being a klutz isn't something you can really help, but it's something you can consciously try to be aware of. If you keep good posture, your chin up and shoulders up (if you don't trip over yourself!), you'll move like Audrey Hepburn or Grace Kelly. The ultimate picture of class.

Be feminine. There is a certain aspect of loveliness that is very feminine. Very soft, very gentle. There is nothing loud, brash, excessive, or macho about being lovely. While everyone's version of femininity is different, play up whatever that word means to you. You can be feminine in an oversized plaid shirt and jeans. You can be feminine while you're bossing people around. You can be feminine rolling out of bed with no makeup on. It doesn't necessarily have to do with what you're wearing or doing; it has more to do with how you project yourself.

Be generous with your smile. A lovely person generally makes people feel good. They light up a room with their energy. The simplest way to do this is to be generous with your smile. Be delighted at the tiniest of things. Marvel at small beauty in the world. Show you appreciate the world around you (and the people in it) with a smile. Here's a blow-your-mind thought: There are people in this world who haven't been smiled at today. There are people in this world who haven't been smiled at for weeks. Think about that. The only thing you have to do to make their world brighter is smile at them. That would be awfully lovely of you.

Acting Lovely

Use your manners. Though it's a bit stereotypical, a lovely woman has proper etiquette down pat. "Please" and "thank you" should be mainstays in your vocabulary. And then there's things like sneezing into your elbow and not chewing with your mouth open, but you knew that already, right? While things like using the right fork have their place, the more important things are like holding the door for the person behind you, cleaning up after yourself, and sharing. Manners make the world a little bit easier for everyone -- hopefully people will be polite right back!

Know that you are who you are with. If you're constantly being surrounded by negativity and people that drag you down, there's no way you're going to be lovely, for starters, but you definitely won't be happy and you definitely won't be the best you. So keep this is mind -- do the people around you bring out your best, loveliest side? In other words, cut out your toxic friends. It may be awkward for a day or two, but it's totally worth it in the long run. If you sit back and think about it for five seconds and a name comes to mind, at least make strides to hang out with them less. You need to be the best person you can possibly be to truly be lovely.

Don't wallow in negativity. No one has ever uttered the sentence, "Man, that Debbie Downer sure is a lovely girl." The fact of the matter is that being lovely has a positivity about it. The lovelies of the world don't often find themselves complaining (unless something is downright unfair -- they do stand for what they believe in) -- and they don't complain because the glass is always half full. Why waste your energy on negativity? In addition to not having a negative worldview, don't be negative about others! Don't poke fun at people and draw attention their flaws or their flubs. While it may be tempting to have a good laugh at someone's expense, resist. To be lovely, you need to create lovely world.

Offer a helping hand. Whenever you find an opportunity to help someone, take it! You'd be hard pressed to find a good reason not to (being lazy is not a good reason!). And if you can't find one, you may not be looking hard enough! Is a friend super busy and could use a buddy to get errands done or do some easy tasks? Do you know an older person who needs a young, agile spring chicken to help around the house? And if they're not asking, initiate! Sometimes people don't like asking for help.

Value others and their time. You know who's not lovely? That friend of yours that is incurably late and doesn't seem to care when you tell her you've wasted 30 minutes of your life waiting on her. Not lovely at all. Don't show other people you don't value them -- be punctual! And show them you value them in other small ways, too! If a friend made dinner one night and you got the extras, bring over a dessert later in the week. Offer to get them coffee. Pay back the favors you get to show how grateful you are.

Know when to put others first. To be lovely is to put others first...sometimes. You can't please everyone and you definitely should not be a doormat. But if someone needs or wants something from you and it wouldn't hurt you to agree, why not do it? That being said, if someone wants the shirt off your back, know where to draw the line. You have to protect yourself first and foremost -- no one else will. So if it goes against your belief system or leaves you to the dogs, don't feel obligated to do it. It's not you not being nice, it's you being smart.

Be gracious about differences. Part of being lovely is being lovely to everyone, regardless of their status in life or the crazy opinions they're asserting. When you come across someone different from you, don't assign them a label. Be open-minded and try to see their point of view. If they think they're right and you don't, why might that be? Try your hardest to treat everyone the same. That means your waiter, your best friend, and the old man crossing the street. We're all humans and we all deserve attention and care. If someone does you wrong, treat them civilly. You do not, by any means, have to go out of your way to be nice to them, but do treat them as a human. Nothing more, nothing less.

Value the small moments. Just like acting isn't only when you're talking, being lovely isn't only when the spotlight is on you. It's the small moments that truly make a lovely girl lovely. The way she watches a child, the way she adjusts her towels just so, the way she goes in for a hug. It's in the tiny things just as much as it's in the big things. Being lovely is a 24/7 thing. It's not a hat you wear outside and take off when you get home. It should be part of you, not a show you put on. Find a woman who you think is lovely by nature and watch her. She's probably just like you!