How to Balance Your Relationship and Studies

Talk about your goals for school.

Share what academic success looks like for both of you. It’s important to be clear about what your goals and boundaries are. Before the semester starts, sit down and discuss what you’d both like to achieve. Also point out obstacles you need to steer clear of. You and your S.O. will have a game plan you can stick to. You can say something like: “I want to get on the Dean’s List, so I’ll have to get above a 3.75 GPA.” “I want to double major. That means I’ll balance a heavy course load.” “Sometimes, I won’t be able to hang out on the weekends. I’ll have to focus on term papers.”

Study together.

Meet up in a public place and be accountability buddies. If you choose a spot like a library or a college cafe, you’ll be able to get in the right mindset and focus. Everyone else around you will be busy with work, too. Sit together, then get out all your books and notes. You’ll be able to inspire each other right away. It’ll be easier to stay on track if you go somewhere that discourages talking. While you study, you can pat your S.O.'s hand or give them a side hug once in a while.

Grab your meals together.

Sneak in some quick quality time since you both need to eat, anyway. Chow down on nutritious meals with your S.O. and fill yourselves up so you can focus. Head to the cafeteria or a campus restaurant. You’ll make sure you have at least three periods of the day to cozy up to each other. When you talk together, you’ll be able to enjoy your meal and not rush when you eat it. Make a date out of preparing healthy snacks together. For example, you can make no-bake peanut butter balls. If your dorms have a shared kitchen, you can even cook together sometimes.

Catch up during breaks.

Hang out only when you really have free time. Sit down together and compare your schedules. Find gaps between classes and homework sessions that are up for grabs. Reserve these slots for reconnecting as a couple. Then, give your S.O. your full attention. You’ll be able to go back to your studies recharged. Mix up the ways you unwind with each other. You can chill in your dorm on a weekday, then go for a walk around campus over the weekend. Look at all the time you have blocked off in your calendar for your S.O. It’ll help you feel secure that you’ll see them again.

Send each other encouraging texts.

These sweet messages will make you smile all semester. Agree to silence the notifications on your phones. Whenever either of you are inspired, you can send a cute note that your S.O. won’t see till later. When you two go to bed, check your texts. Each of you will feel adored. You each can say something like: “You amaze me every day, and I think about you every night. ???? ❤️” “Loved seeing you study so hard in the library! I have such a crush on you. ????” “Miss you a bunch. We’ll get through this semester! ????”

Share tips and tricks with each other.

Swap study techniques to learn how to be more successful. Maybe you know some productivity “hacks,” like making a list of key ideas and reviewing them 1 hour a day. Chat about how you'll both try to master your subjects. You’ll lift each other up and get an extra edge in your classes. You can start off with something like: “I love color coding my notes! It helps me keep track of all the different concepts.” “I like ‘mind mapping.' I put one big idea in a circle, then connect every related idea to it.” “I study one key concept for 1 hour a day. On the weekend, I do a deep dive of my subject for 3-4 hours.”

Go on some special dates.

Carve out time for romance, even if it’s just a quick moment. Make plans to get your minds off school and focus on just each other. Instead of chill hang outs, get more warm and sentimental. Even a couple hours can leave a lasting impression. Grab coffee together at a local cafe and cuddle up to each other in the morning. Set up a picnic on your campus courtyard on a warm afternoon. Go downtown and share dinner or dessert together in the evening.

Remind each other to take your health seriously.

Put your wellness above everything else to succeed in school. So you can both be at your best physically and mentally, get at least 8 hours of rest. Also make sure to eat nutritious meals that will keep you energized. When you take care of yourselves, you’ll both reduce stress and boost your academic performances. It’s better to catch up on sleep than to skip it. You’ll both be more refreshed. You both can exercise together. You'll stay more alert throughout your classes. Eat “whole” foods, like whole grains and veggies, to improve your moods and energy levels.

Keep positive attitudes about school.

Remember that you both can overcome any challenge with enough effort. In order to get the most out of your studies, keep a “growth mindset," an optimistic outlook that lets you see any difficult topic or task as an opportunity to learn. Just spend more time on the content that you two usually get stuck on. Then, acknowledge all your determination and hard work. You and your S.O. can give each other pep talks. For example, you can say, “Asking a lot of questions is proof that you’re learning!" When you get together, make a list of the topics that are a little confusing. You’ll both know what to focus on. Tell each other that it's okay to reach out for help. You both can go to a tutoring center or to your professor’s office hours.

Bond over what’s making you both busy.

Chat about how you're both moving even closer to your goals. When you're free and weeks have gone by, discuss what you’ve been focused on all semester. Explain how any recent exams or projects are really necessary. You'll both motivate each other, and it'll be way more exciting to go into more detail about your course load. You can say something like: “I’m doing all these research projects so I can get all the experience I need for med school!” “I’m really focused on acing my English classes and getting to know the faculty so I can apply to an MFA after undergrad!” “Studying the GMAT will help me get my MBA! I’ll get a career in finance and bring in the big bucks one day.”

Take entire days off when you can.

Unwind together as a reward for staying on track. Coordinate with each other and schedule a date after any important tests or assignments. Then, enjoy each other's company without any distractions, including schoolwork. You’ll both see you can share special moments with each other throughout the semester. You’ll come back to your studies in a way better mood. You’ll both get practice maintaining a work-life balance. After school, you’ll also have to balance important tasks and relationships. Fun days off will help you learn to keep your support system even when you’re busy.

Prioritize exams and finals.

Give each other space during more intense periods. When you and your S.O. are in the middle of a finals week or have a huge assignment to prepare for, that should come first. Block out times on your schedules that need all your focus. You’ll both be really thankful that you buckled down even if you missed each other. Reassure each other that you’ll reconnect after you’ve made it through the toughest periods. A “good morning” and “goodnight text” is okay. You can eat breakfast together before your tests to stay energized for them.

Celebrate together during breaks from school.

Heap on affection and praise when you’ve made it to the finish line. Hug your S.O. and tell them how proud you are of all their discipline. Also thank them for their patience and for supporting your studies. Then, make some exciting plans with each other—you both deserve it. Throw a tiny party right away. For example, you can toast sparkling cider in your dorm room. Invite all your friends and family to a larger event, like a big dinner at a restaurant. Go on a romantic outing just for the two of you and put school off your mind for a little while.